I did it again.
I made it to 48 days, convinced myself it was fine to have a couple beers, full well knowing how much they’d lower my inhibitions and put me at risk of contacting my dealer. I told myself “Ehhh it’s just 2 beers, I’ll be fine.” But just those two made me crave the high I knew would be good given how long it had been since I last did dex.
I’m trying not to guilt myself or feel shameful, that’ll only lead to more use.. I’m reminding myself to stay confident and to learn healthy coping mechanisms and that I have so much to gain and nothing to lose from quitting other than short lived artificial happiness.
I’m going to avoid alcohol/weed and masturbating (I’m a stimfapper) completely from now on and focus on staying physical and completing the DBT, CBT and ACT work booklets while practicing the coping mechanisms they teach. Hoping I haven’t set myself back too much with the 40mg I took anxiety/depression/focus wise.