I know I am an asshole for this.
Seriously struggling a lot from moving on. No matter how many times i attempt and what I do, I can't seem to move on at all. At the time of breakup, I felt like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders and i felt free, the type of free you feel when you step outside your cage, and everything was going great for a couple of following months, but for the past few months, everything reminds me of her, everything is going good and still internally things fall apart and I feel like shit. 4 years together and I can't even call her anymore. I know i just need to man up but it's embarrassing to admit it, i just can't seem to gather myself and live normally. It feels like I'm suffocating. It's been 6 months ever since we broke up and it was great until March, and since March, I can't seem to stop thinking about her, it's getting upto a point I've been seeing her in my dreams frequently, sometimes nights in a row and back to back. I feel embarrassed, emasculated and little. I can't even look myself in the mirror, I feel like a bitch.