PEP After a High-Risk Exposure
I just need to get this off my chest.
I met a guy on Grindr. Before we met, I had brought condoms because I wanted to have protected sex. He told me beforehand that he wanted to do it without a condom and said that he was on PrEP. I told him that I wasn't on PrEP, so I wanted to use a condom.
When I got to his place, he started rubbing his penis against my anus. I asked about the condom, and he said he was just "playing." A few seconds later, he penetrated me. I questioned him again about the condom, but he kept going, and I eventually gave in. Looking back, I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life.
Afterward, he never replied to me again. I shared my social media with him, but he never followed me and completely ignored me. With so many red flags, I rushed to get PEP and started it less than 24 hours after the exposure.
Ever since then, I've been feeling like the stupidest person in the world. I keep asking myself: How could I let things get to that point? How could I have been so naive that I trusted the words of someone I had only just met on an app?
If all my tests are negative after finishing PEP, I'll feel like I was given a second chance at life. I know that people living with HIV can have long, healthy, and fulfilling lives, and I truly believe that. Even so, I can't help feeling terrified, especially because of the stigma that still exists.
I was the receptive partner, and he ejaculated inside me, so I know this was a high-risk exposure. I feel incredibly guilty and ashamed. I know there's nothing I can do now except complete PEP, get tested, and wait. I just really needed to tell someone how I've been feeling.
As for the side effects, I'm on day 6 of PEP and I haven't experienced any so far.
If you're reading this, please protect yourself. I can't stress that enough. The fear, anxiety, and emotional pain you feel after going through something like this are overwhelming. I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone.