Is it unreasonable to to treat masterbation as cheating?
In order to avoid bias, I am going to keep all pronouns neutral, but this is about my heterosexual relationship. There is also an age gap of about 15yrs, and we have 2 children together. We have been together for a little over 10yrs now.
I am just looking for some honest opinions. Yes, I have had this talk with my partner a couple times over the years, but it is still a recurring problem.
I believe in masterbation. I used to do it a lot more often when I was younger, but it has slowed down a lot as I have gotten older, and I only do it occasionally now (like once or twice every few months). My partner and I have fairly high sex drives, and even after 10yrs together, we still have intimacy at least 2-3 times a week (minus the occasional dry spell of a week or two when things were super stressful over the years). My partner doesn't masterbate, and never has as far as I know, not even when they were a teen or young adult. Recently, over the last 2-3yrs, my partner has expressed that I should not masterbate either, and doing so is essentially cheating. They were in an abusive relationship before me, where their partner cheated repeatedly, including stuff like phone sex. I have never been even slightly unfaithful to my partner, and usually don't even watch porn when I masterbate. I also use a toy that my partner got for me, that I use with them in the bedroom regularly. It is typically a very quick activity (less than 5mins), and cumming gives me a nice lil boost of energy. None of this matters though, and my partner has said that if I want pleasure like that, then I should be going to them for it, and doing it myself makes them feel that I don't desire them. I have tried to explain that masterbation is a personal thing for me, and it feels very controlling to have my partner telling me what I can and cannot do to my own body, when I am alone. We have never come to any kind of agreement or compromise on the topic.
Now it has gotten to a point where anytime I masterbate, they give me the cold shoulder for days. I am not even sure how they know when I do it, but the reaction is always immediate. If I masterbate before they get home from work, then they come home already knowing somehow and being upset about it. I don't know what to do here. Am I in the wrong for refusing to give up occasionally masterbating? Or am I right to feel like this is controlling behavior from my partner?