Am I a bad person if I have two abortions?
I am 42 and about 5 weeks pregnant. I have an appointment for abortion this Wednesday but I am riddled and consumed by guilt and shame. I have two teens boys and we recently had started trying to have our third child. In 2025, I had two miscarriages (one at 5-6weeks -chemical, and then a blighted ovum later that year) then this past April I had my third miscarriage at 8-9 weeks, the baby’s heart stopped beating. Later found out it was due to trisomy 22. And now I’m pregnant again. The miscarriages took a significant toll on my mental health and my husbands. I just
Don’t know if I can endure more loss, anxiety and stress from another pregnancy/loss. After each loss I had to crawl my way out of a dark place and I lost time with my family when I couldn’t be mentally present with them. When I say I’m terrified and already consumed by anxiety is something I’ve never felt. I feel terrible that a baby I cried so much for is what I’m considering to end. What if this is my healthy baby? But what if it’s not? Each pregnancy/miscarriage got worse. I’m terrified of what this one could bring. And with the confirmed chromosomal abnormality in the last pregnancy, supports that my eggs may not be of best quality especially since last obgyn suggested that if I wanted to try conceiving again I should consider genetic testing. I’m not the most religious person but I do have faith. I’m terrified of how God can forgive me. I had an abortion at 23 because I didn’t feel ready to be a mom at the time. And now to have a second one terrifies me! But it also terrifies me to lose another pregnancy, myself or baby have medical complications. Am I a bad person 💔?