I miss being drunk so much
I'm 18 and had to stop drinking in June because it was a problem. I hate calling myself an alcoholic because it feels like a title that should be reserved for somebody much older, and it scares me because I know I'll never be able to drink normally. I'm going to uni next year and I can already feel myself planning a relapse- It's like the idea of being alone (I almost have to stay sober living with my parents) and with it being so fundamental to the culture there.
I want so badly to believe that I can drink normally but I used to drink daily from 8am last year when I was in sixth form and the way I crave it isn't normal.
Initially it numbed the anxiety and the awareness of myself and what was happening, but it also made me feel like it was okay to just fall and give up like yeah i fucked up but whatever i just felt at peace.
I crave it, same with self harm, im not even doing badly at the moment im actually doing quite well and have no huge external pressures as im on a gap year i just miss the feeling god its like a visceral yearning and thirst .
I am working on it, on some medication and in therapy but its always in the back of my mind and like I cant shake that im never going to be able to drink casually like i really fucked things up for myself. Ik alcohol is a crazy concept but its so normalised in british culture, I cant stop watching videos of people drunk and i just miss it so bad.
I don't really know what the point of this is.