I(19f) broke up with my boyfriend(19m)..
Hi so I'm 19f and the other night I broke up with my boyfriend(19m). We had just hit our one year the night before and we just got back home after being 3 hours apart at school. I am so worried that I was being impulsive and that things would have been better if I had given it time after getting home, but when he asked to come over to my house, I just felt so much dread.
We had issues over last summer because he would constantly apologize to me for everything. He's a very sensitive person and he overthinks a lot, and when we would hang out, he would apologize every time he said something that he thought I wouldn't like. And when I say everything, I mean everything. If he made a joke and I didn't laugh hard enough he'd apologize, if we disagreed about anything he would immediately apologize and change his opinion to agree with mine. I constantly told him to stop apologizing and he would always say "I know, I'm sorry, I'm working on it." But it never felt like it would get better. I didn't even expect him to stop apologizing all the time, just like maybe try and catch himself so I didn't have to.
Then we went to school and I felt so much better. People at school are so arrogant that sorry isn't even in anyone's vocabulary. And it was so much easier to communicate with my bf because over text he can't see my face or how hard I laugh or anything. I could just send lmao and be done with it. Then Christmas break came around and we came home. The same thing started happening again, and I started just feeling more annoyed than anything.
I just felt so tired every time I'd see him because I had to constantly be thinking about how I react to things, and I had to constantly make him feel better over literally nothing. Then he asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I gave him my whole spiel about how I don't want anything physical because I get really anxious when people give me gifts, and that I just wanted him to take me to go see Christmas lights. I never saw Christmas lights. I of course appreciate any gift, but it just hurt cause why even ask me if you're going to completely disregard it? Then we had a conversation later about how we both agreed that we wanted to do something nice and go for a nice dinner. Then he came down to my school on Valentines Day, mind you my birthday is also on Feb 13, and I was so excited cause I thought we were going to do what we had talked about and that he had something planned. So, I got dressed up and all that jazz and then we ended up going to Applebee's. And this might just me being privileged and spoiled, but Applebee's would never be on my radar. Plus, he brought me a gift basket, and I genuinely wanted to throw up.
I brought these things up when we talked the other night and he said that he didn't understand me when I said I don't like getting gifts. And that on Christmas he could never find a time that seeing lights would work. Which was very much untrue considering he was at my house every night. I said that, and he asked why I didn't plan it and tell him we were going to see lights.
And then he asked me why I didn't tell him I didn't want Applebee's for Valentines and that he thought I liked it. I said Applebee's is good for midnight apps, but Valentines Day? And on the day, I was just so embarrassed that I had expected something nice. We've always split costs for things 50/50 because I never want to put the kind of pressure on someone when I know I couldn't cover him 100.
I was just so upset, and these things are so stupid I know that, but to me it was never about what we did or where we went. It was about the fact that I said things and they were ignored. It was about how I felt every time I had to tell him to stop apologizing. I guess I just wish he was evil, because he really is the most genuine, funny, smart, and kind person I know. We are young, but did I give up on something that could have been really good in the future?