Self doubt - am I too hard on my mom?
Hi Everyone,
Longtime lurker posting for the first time. I (30f) was homeschooled from the 2nd grade all through high school. I think my mom really did mean well at first, but over time, her tendencies that have caused me to resent her (her underlying narcissism, religiosity, and making homeschooling her entire personality) took over. Only now, as this point in my life, am I starting to process how damaging my upbringing was, and grieve the childhood I missed out on. Not surprisingly, this has caused me to distance myself from my mother.
While my negative experience has turned me so against homeschooling that I cannot comprehend why anyone would think homeschooling is a good idea (except for extreme situations such as learning disabilities or if the child’s safety were at risk), a small part of me still struggles with self-doubt. As someone who has yet to have children, I know I cannot understand what it is like to be a parent, and how it challenges a person. That part of me wonders if I am being too hard on my mom, because as much as I tell myself I will never be like her, I still don’t know what it’s like to be a mom, and if I really would not have done the same in her shoes. Although I do feel distancing myself from her has been for the best so far, this doubt causes me to feel guilt sometimes.
I was wondering if anyone else has struggled with these feelings of self doubt? I am open to hearing perspectives from those who do and do not have children.
Thank you for your time.