I fucked up
Idc for feedback as i’m sure i know what most of you are going to say but I need somewhere to put this to get it off my chest for the night.
So of course i’m still currently in the relationship but the trust is broken and it’s all my fault. This is my first real relationship and there are things in a relationship that someone who’s been in many can understand much clearer than me. Communication is key and that’s where i failed.
I was going through my call log last week sitting at home and me and my gf had just gotten off the phone maybe 20 minutes prior so I was looking at who I could call. I seen the number of the girl I was talking to before my gf and thought I’d see how she was doing and we never really had in depth conversations it’s like responding with one word to a text message so the call was about an hour. This was also happening late around 10pm waiting for my gf to call me back before she went to sleep since she was eating and was watching her show at the time.
This call happened last week on Monday today is Tuesday.
After that call obviously since there’s no communicate since we don’t care to talk since we’re both in our own relationship and what not and she’s pregnant at the moment as well (something i learned in the call). Just so you guys know the last time we had called prior to that Monday was in december and it was me letting her know i have a gf now but there were no hard feelings. I thought I blocked her on everything but apparently I had forgotten the number so as time passed i hold no hatred as i’m not a hateful person.
Friday rolls around and I get a game 8ball sent on imsg so me knowing she’s unemployed and pregnant i figured why not we played 2 games and no other communication was going on. Sunday comes and we play darts I didn’t care to play so i didn’t open it until monday and my gf asked me who I was playing darts with. Our relationship has been an open book since we started dating at the end of december and if she wanted to look through my phone she’s always been able to I never minded.
Idk I just panicked I guess and lied i said it was a friend, said her name and how we know each other and 10 minutes later we had a conversation about it. I said the girl called me friday which is when i got the message (a lie), and that the call was only about 20 minutes (also a lie). I lied because I wanted to reassure her that there was nothing going on which was the case, but I panicked and was worried about her anxiety spiking. I explain our conversation the games sent and why I don’t see the girl any kind of way and I even showed the messages so she sees it’s just the games and nothing else. She was still worried there’s more to it which was valid.
Today she went through my phone which i willingly said that’s okay go ahead I have nothing to hide. Of course the receipts are all there and she sees I called her last Monday (my gf normally has me weekends but i’ve been at her place a lot and that monday and tuesday were the first days back home in a week or 2).
Angry and crying she asks me why I lied which I acted confused about like a fucking child that was so fucking stupid. I looked fucking stupid. So I admitted everything. Most things she had already known like the conversation and the messages, but seeing how I called first and the length of the call is there the problem lies. I lied and didn’t even think that communicating to her the week prior that I called her was necessary, which I didn’t. I see how much it hurts her, how much it broke the trust we built, even with the truth coming out it doesn’t matter because lying once about it could mean there’s more I lying/ hiding from her. There’s not. Not at all. After she explained that not only was it someone I used to talk to, but I had also lied about who called, the date it happened and MOST of all I didn’t communicate it to her. After experiencing this for the first time tonight, the only thing I wanted to do was reassure her and let her know that i’m telling her everything right now is the truth, not defend myself. I should’ve known better, I shouldn’t have lied, and especially I should’ve communicated better.
I should also note me and my friends aren’t not much of a critical thinker but her and all her friends are so their insight about the situation will be explicit and straightforward.
Any decision she makes isn’t wrong.
I love her and what we built in our relationship.
If there is one, i know it’ll be a slow and cautious process, but i really hope I can have a second chance at this with her.
Sorry for the long post and to anyone who reads it thank you I appreciate it and I’ll still read the feedback and if you have any similar experiences do tell it I would love to hear it.