Ive been with my girlfriend for 4 years now, we have been together since grade 9 in our freshman year and a few months ago when she was gone on vacation with her family I got with another girl. Things went a little too far and now I have uct off contact with that girl and my girlfriend is coming back in 2 days, she has no clue about anything that happened and I feel insanely guilty
i left my partner of several years for someone who i thought things would be better with but now that i finally have the girl my life is hell and i deserve this but im not happy with the new girl … i hope my ex finds someone way better than me all i can is learn from this experience
Additional context / update:
I realize I left out some important context about my living situation with my ex.
We broke up about a month after signing the lease and moving in. The contract is for two years and we have tried to get out of it, but unfortunately that wasn’t possible.
In the beginning, we actually got along really well. We lived our own lives, barely saw each other because of our schedules, and even joked about each other dating other people. That’s why we agreed to stay in the house together, finding your own place in the Netherlands is extremely difficult.
The problems only really started when I began dating too. My ex became more distant, and when I told him I wanted to bring Wouter home, he became angry. He has always struggled with communicating his emotions and tends to bottle things up until he eventually explodes, which can result in aggression. This was also one of the reasons we broke up.
Last Monday was the final straw, and he has now moved to his grandmother. This had actually been the plan for a long time, but he kept putting it off. I’m going to change the locks with my landlord’s permission, and my best friend is staying with me for now.
I don’t really have anywhere else to go. My mom has terminal cancer and needs a quiet home with my dad, and my friends are mostly students living with their parents or in student housing, where there’s no space for me and my dog. So staying here was basically my only realistic option while waiting for my ex to eventually move out.
I also want to clarify that I have been in therapy for a long time. I’m not someone who has never tried to work through these things. I know that my past experiences have affected me, and I have actively tried to deal with that. I know my past relationships still affect how I respond to confrontation, especially when I fear someone becoming angry with me or leaving me. But therapy doesn’t automatically make every reaction disappear. Knowing intellectually that you are safe and actually feeling safe in a situation are two different things.
I have learned that I need to feel safe before I am capable of dealing with confrontation in a healthy way. When I feel threatened, especially by anger or the possibility of someone leaving me, my instinct can still be to avoid, delay or hide something rather than confront the situation directly.
I know none of this excuses lying to Wouter. I should have told him the truth and allowed him to decide for himself whether he was comfortable with my situation.
I just hope this explains some of your questions. I was genuinely afraid of confrontation, and unfortunately that fear made me make a decision that I deeply regret.
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I honestly don’t really know where to start. I’m incredibly ashamed of what I did, but I would like to tell the whole story because I’m curious whether people think there is still a way for me to fix this.
I’m 24F and I’ve been dating Wouter (34M) for about 1.5 months. During that month and a half, we saw each other very often. We spent two weekends together and genuinely saw each other a lot for such a short period of time.
We both expressed that we really liked each other. We had even talked about the future a few times already. I met his mother and he met my mother. We also told each other several times that we had never experienced such a strong connection with someone before, in pretty much every aspect. That was exactly what made it so special to both of us.
So it didn’t feel like just a few casual dates. It felt like something genuinely special was developing between us. And now I may have ruined something really beautiful because of something I deeply regret.
My situation:
I broke up with ex 2 eleven months ago. We were together for about two years. We still live together because our rental contract is still running.
To me, ex 2 genuinely feels like a roommate now. We’ve been broken up for almost a year, we both have our own lives, we basically live completely separate lives, and we are both dating other people. I have no romantic feelings for him anymore.
However, our living situation is quite complicated.
Ex 2 can be very aggressive. He has been aggressive towards me several times before, although until recently it had never become physical. He has also become jealous since we both started dating again.
Before ex 2, I was with ex 1 for six years. We were together from when I was 13 until I was 19. It was an incredibly toxic relationship in which physical, emotional and sexual abuse were basically the norm from his side. That relationship ended a long time ago, but I’ve noticed that it still affects the way I react when I’m afraid of a man’s response. I’ve become very afraid of anger and aggression. When I think someone might get angry with me or leave me because of something I’ve done, I can become extremely avoidant and keep putting things off. And unfortunately, that played a major role in what happened with Wouter.
When Wouter and I had only just started talking, we were still chatting on a dating app. We hadn’t even met in person yet.
We had planned a date at his place, but because he was in the middle of moving and still had a lot of things to finish, that wasn’t possible. He suggested meeting at my place instead. I told him that wasn’t possible because I had a roommate. I told him that my roommate was just some random friend.
That was a lie.
At that point, I literally didn’t know Wouter yet. We hadn’t even met and I had no idea whether this would even go beyond one date. I didn’t want to explain my entire complicated living situation to someone I had never even met. It didn’t feel right to immediately tell a complete stranger that my ex still lived with me, that we had been broken up for almost a year, and that the situation between us was complicated.
I also honestly thought it probably wouldn’t lead to anything anyway, because my previous dates had been very disappointing.
But then the exact opposite happened. We immediately had an incredible connection and things became more and more serious. And the more serious it became, the harder it was for me to admit that my “roommate” was actually my ex. I thought about telling him several times. I genuinely wanted to, but I kept putting it off.
A big part of that was that Wouter had made it very clear that lying was a huge dealbreaker for him. That actually made me even more afraid to tell him. I knew this could be a massive dealbreaker for him, and by that point I had become really attached to him and was terrified that I would immediately lose him as soon as he knew the truth.
I know that isn’t an excuse. I should have been honest and allowed him to decide for himself how he felt about my situation. But I do want to honestly explain why I was so afraid to tell him.
Meanwhile, the situation with ex 2 became increasingly difficult. He brings other women home himself, and I try to take that into consideration. For example, I recently saw through the camera we have for the dog that there was a woman at our house. I had actually planned to go home around 6 PM, but when I saw that she was there, I deliberately stayed away longer until she had left.
Ex 2, on the other hand, has said that he is not going to take my feelings into consideration if I bring someone home. He is almost always home after 4 PM and has literally said that he would not react normally if I brought someone home. That made it very difficult for me to bring Wouter to my house.
I really did want to tell Wouter what the situation actually was, but because of my past experiences, I didn’t feel safe enough to do so.
Over time, I started feeling safer and safer with Wouter. After spending last weekend with him, I finally felt like I could tell him the truth. We had plans on Wednesday to go do something together, and I had decided that I would finally tell him then.
But then Wouter unexpectedly came to my house on Monday evening. Ex 2 wasn’t home at the time, but I knew he could come home at any moment. I gave Wouter a tour of the house and we were inside for about ten minutes. We were sitting in my bedroom when my ex came home.
My ex never even saw Wouter. He only saw Wouter’s bag.
My ex immediately started screaming that Wouter had to get the hell out and leave his house. He also yelled that he was going to throw all of my belongings out onto the street. I left with Wouter and the dog, and that was when I told him everything. I told him that my “roommate” was actually my ex. I explained why I hadn’t told him, that I had wanted to tell him several times, and that I had been incredibly afraid of losing him.
Wouter then told me that it was over. And I understand. From the beginning, he had said that lying was a huge dealbreaker for him, and I had lied to him.
I’m not trying to talk my way out of it either. But at the same time, he had also seen with his own eyes that evening how complicated my living situation is.
And then things got even worse.
Ex 2 became extremely aggressive again when I came home after Wouter had left and almost beat me up that evening. It ultimately didn’t become physical because the neighbours started banging on the window, which scared him off.
He has been aggressive before, but this was the first time it came so close to becoming physical. My neighbours took me in afterwards and told me that they had been worried about our situation for quite some time.
Looking back, I also realized again how deeply afraid I actually am of these kinds of reactions, and how afraid I had been all this time of telling Wouter the truth. Because of my past relationships, I’ve become very afraid of how men will react when I disappoint them or when I’m afraid they might get angry with me.
That doesn’t make my lie okay. I know that. But I do think it explains why telling the truth was so incredibly difficult for me.
I need to add that my ex has moved out after what happened Monday, he still has to move the big things (like his bed and closet). He is living with his grandmother now. When he moves the last things he will be leaving his key and I will be living here alone.
After that evening, I sent Wouter a few more messages. I told him that I really wanted to talk to him, that I wanted to show him that I had never intended for things to happen this way, and that I wanted to earn his trust back.
He then blocked me everywhere. At the moment, I can only call him, but I also want to respect his boundaries and not bother him.
I still have some belongings at his place, so at some point we will have to have contact anyway.
Today I noticed that he has unblocked me on Facebook. I’m still blocked on all the other social media platforms.
And I’m honestly struggling with an enormous amount of guilt right now.
I know I was wrong. I know I should have told him the truth from the beginning. I also understand that it probably hurts him even more because he had been so clear that lying was a huge dealbreaker for him. I know I did something that I knew was a major dealbreaker for him. I should have been honest.
But I’m also incredibly sad because what we had felt so special.
We saw each other so often during that 1.5 months. We spent two weekends together. We met each other’s mothers. We talked about the future. We told each other how much we cared about each other and that we had never experienced such a strong connection with someone before.
I have genuinely fallen very deeply for him. We were really starting to see where this could go.
I don’t want to bother him or ignore his boundaries. I also don’t want to try to justify my lie or convince him that my lie was “actually understandable.” I know I was wrong.
But I would really like to know whether, in your opinion, there is still a possibility of making things right.
Do you think there is still a chance of fixing this and earning his trust back? Or should I accept that I’ve ruined this and let him go?
And if there is still a chance: what would you do?
Would you leave him completely alone and wait for him to contact you? Or would you try to talk to him one more time at some point?
And most importantly: do you think he could eventually see this lie in the context of my situation, or is this simply a definitive dealbreaker for most people?
I’m looking for honest reactions. I would rather hear that I need to let him go than give myself false hope. But I also don’t want to give up if there is genuinely still a possibility of making things right.
Yesterday i went shopping, and while i was walking around, suddenly a guy stopped me. He said he thinks i look really pretty and asked if i had a boyfriend, and if not he would like to take me out sometime. I pretty much immediately said “yes, i have a boyfriend” and walked away.
I do not have a boyfriend. I thought the guy was really cute but i thought he was pranking me. I thought his friends are probably somewhere watching us and laughing.
Thats why i rejected him and walked away.
I’m very insecure about my looks, i do not think i’m pretty at all. And because he was cute, my mind immediately went, “there is no way this is forreal.”
Since yesterday i’ve been constantly thinking about it, what if he was genuine? I’m so stupid. I should have just said yes and see where it went. i really regret it. I don’t even know his name either so i’ll probably never see him again
As a girl myself, I really want to ask genuinly that do all of you have that one girl in your life whom you regret hurting?? Because ive seen a lot of men going through this experience, and im not just talking about a lil hurt, im talking about deeply hurting a girl's feelings and later regrting, that you should've chose her. Do men fall in love with that girl, or the regret? Do you ever approach that girl to apologize or talk? Do you fall in love with her? Do you remember her or just find alternatives? And most importantly, why do you guys hurt girls and later regret it?? All these questions are genuine and respectful, please tell your stories respectfully and openly. I really wanna know.
This is going to be really long and probably kinda messy because I'm still processing what even is going on and just don't know what to do. I apologize in advance but thank you for anyone who takes the time to read.
I don't know where to start or what should/shouldn't be said, so I'm just gonna start from the beginning. I (16f) got my first job in December of 2024 (when I was 14 almost 15) where I worked at a children's center. It's a small, tight-knit facility, so there was only ever around 8 employees and 2-3 people working at a time. I got along really well with everybody I worked with, including the manager who I gained a strong bond with (in a mother figure sort of way- my mom works a lot making it hard for her to be here for things.) Due to the structure of the facility, it was really hard to receive hours. During the weekdays there would only be two people scheduled to work one on one for the entire day while dealing with 40+ kids- it was a lot, especially with the fact they were only hiring minors (like myself) and young adults that weren't trained for the position.
Fast forward 9 months into working here, I start getting scheduled a LOT with one of my managers in particular (21m), and we ended up creating what felt like a strong bond and friendship. What I realize now, is that this was the start to his grooming process on me- which in the end was successful (on his end). That same month, he had started texting me whenever he was at work to say little things basically implying that I was the only one he enjoyed working with and that he wished I was older so that we could be "friends." I fell into it because of how much I've been struggling mentally, particularly with having no social life outside of work. He knew about my struggles and took advantage of it. There's many reasons why I let myself see outside of what was really going on despite knowing in the back of my mind what was happening, but this post isn't really to justify myself in that way so I won't keep going.
This all went on over the span of 10 months. During that time period, he first started asking me to buy alcohol for him from my plug to give him outside of work and that he would pay me back. His reasoning was that the shops were too expensive and him being so nice/giving me the attention I had been needing and wanting caused me to say yes. That turned into hanging out at night in obscure places and making out/doing basically everything besides sex. He would always ask me if we could have sex/if I wanted to and I would say no. I didn't want to regret it and wanted to save it for the right time and he would tell me he understood, but add little things like that I hate him because I won't have sex with him. We eventually ended up having sex and it hurt so bad. It continued for 4-5 months. He would get off at the adrenaline he got having sex with me at work in the back while on the clock. He would always tell me that I could never tell anyone because I would ruin his life. There were times he would cut things off and I would get sad, feeling like I did something wrong- but then when I were to cut it off, I would just wanna crawl into a hole and never come out from the feeling of missing that attention he gave me. He was so good at manipulating and taking advantage of my feelings that even after figuring out the situation I'd got into and being aware, I still couldn't stop.
Last month, we were working together and per usual, he was telling me everything wrong I was doing and that I need to hurry up and get my job done. I snapped and it turned into a huge argument. I was crying and he was screaming at me and told me that I needed to go home and that he wasn't going to sit there and baby me even though he was the one making me cry. I realized I couldn't keep it going anymore and texted my manager that I needed to talk to her which resulted in me quitting my job because they essentially didn't care and the retaliation ended up on me. There is now multiple police reports filed and a whole investigation underway that he definitely knows about because the officer we reported it to made sure his university and second job were called so that he would removed from both. I've gone in for two forensic interviews and they have all of my texts with him downloaded, so it's kind of just a matter of when they finish going through all the evidence.
I just am scared of what is going to happen. I feel guilty and don't know what to do. They obviously have access to all of the texts and photos sent, which is good. But I can't help but feel bad because half of the time this went on, it was wanted by me and I played into it. I knew it was wrong and never wanted to do it in the first place, especially not have sex. But I still enjoyed it a lot of times and having him to talk to. I played into it a lot and feel like a dumb bitch for ruining his life and the thought of having to testify or go face to face to talk about everything in detail makes me sick, I just need advice or input or something.
I graduated from high school and passed all my exams a year ago.
In my country, the government provides the opportunity to study at university for free. Some universities allocate a few state-funded places, usually no more than ten, for certain programs. You can apply for these places through a competitive program.
I enrolled last year, and due to martial law, the state-funded places for the program I applied to were completely eliminated. And, frankly, it's very disappointing. I have 280 points overall, which is a competitive result; I could have easily gotten a state-funded place if it had been available.
My mother suggested I take a gap year to understand myself and explore different careers, but like a sheep, I decided I knew better and enrolled right away.
My parents are making many sacrifices to pay for my education. It costs $31,000 over four years, which is a huge amount for my parents.
And you know what? This year, they opened up state-funded places for the first year of my major, but since I'm now a second-year student, I have no option to transfer to a state-funded place. Seriously. This is a complete joke. If I had waited another year, I could have easily gotten a state-funded place.
I deeply regret not listening to my mom back then. The chances of getting a state-funded place were zero. For the last five years, there haven't been any state-funded places at this university, and this year they decided to add them.
These thoughts drive me crazy every day. I can't escape them, not at work, not with friends, not anywhere.
I work part-time at a cafe and try to buy gifts for my parents to somehow please them, seeing how they limit themselves in so many ways. I feel like I'll never be able to recoup their investment in me.
I'm writing this and crying. I'm so ashamed. My mom doesn't know there are state-funded places this year. I think if I tell her, she'll be very upset. I am really really really regret.
I think this will be my biggest regret for the rest of my life. I feel like I fumbled a relationship that could have lasted forever. I was ready to propose to her and have her move in with me, but it all went downhill over one conversation 😖
Our relationship was magical for two years. This was my first serious relationship. We had a really healthy relationship. It was all laughter and happiness. Both of our families met each other. I was planning to propose to her, but then one night, we were talking about topics like open relationships, threesomes, and phases. My dumbass said, “I wonder what it feels like because I’ve never had one.” I didn’t mean anything by it. I didn’t know how deeply it would affect her.
I know it’s my fault. She started to feel insecure about our relationship. We talked about it, and we both agreed that we could move on from it. Then, boom, a month later, she brought it up again. I tried to comfort her, and I said I would never need to go through a phase or be with anyone else to love her for the rest of my life. But she thinks I’m lying about my feelings.
She decided to break up with me within eight hours. She said I should go explore, and when I felt satisfied, we could reconnect. But I told her I didn’t want to explore. I had everything I needed right there with her. I asked her to let me see her so we could talk this through, but she has anxiety issues, so she said it would only make things worse.
I’m so heartbroken because there’s a chance I will never see her or hear her voice again. She told me we needed to work on ourselves, and then maybe, somewhere down the line, we could reconnect. But to me, that’s not closure. I don’t know what to do. I can work on myself and wait for her, but I can’t wait forever, especially if she has already moved on. It sucks so badly. I haven’t been able to sleep for days.
Then, I sent her flowers and an apology letter a week after everything happened. She unfriended me on Snapchat an hour after receiving them. Then, the next day, she asked for her belongings back. I cried for two days straight, but I finally pulled myself together and dropped off her stuff. She didn’t even want to see me. I had to leave it on the front porch.
It’s been three weeks now, and I still can’t stop thinking about her. She’s not just pretty; she also loves me for who I am. She isn’t materialistic or always asking me to pay for her stuff. I see wife material in her.
It hurts me the most because the relationship ended with me as the bad guy. I never meant to hurt her. She’s the most precious person in my life. Now it’s hard for me to cope because I keep replaying the story in my head, thinking about how I could have done better and how I could have saved the relationship.
I feel powerless now because I tried everything to explain to her that I only love her and don’t need anybody else. But I can only fight so hard, and it takes two people to fix a relationship. To this day, I will never understand why she wouldn’t give our relationship another chance before calling it quits. Every concern she brought up could have been fixed if our relationship had continued. I don’t understand why she gave up on our relationship out of the blue, even though whenever we had issues, we usually talked them out.
I think this will be one of the biggest regrets of my life.
TL;DR: My girlfriend of two years ended our happy and healthy relationship after a conversation made her question whether I truly wanted only her. I apologized and tried to reassure her, but she no longer trusted my feelings and wouldn’t give us another chance. It’s been three weeks, and I’m struggling to accept losing someone I wanted to marry over one stupid mistake.
I’m 23. I had been in a relationship for around 3 years with someone I genuinely cared about, but we already had serious unresolved problems.
I had a long history of weed use, and after being away from meth for around 3.5 years, I relapsed recently. Within a month of restarting, I noticed drastic changes in my behavior. I became paranoid, suspicious, emotionally volatile, and started unloading anger and contempt onto my girlfriend during a period when our relationship was already unstable.
Eventually she ended things completely, and she has made it clear she wants no future with me.
I’m not posting this to blame drugs entirely or act like I’m some innocent victim. I know my behavior hurt someone I cared about, and I take responsibility for that.
What I’m struggling with now is understanding how much substance use can rapidly distort behavior and judgment, especially when deeper emotional issues are already present underneath.
I’ve been forced to look at parts of myself I had ignored for years, and honestly I’m trying to figure out whether this relationship ending was just the consequence of addiction, or whether it exposed bigger problems in me that I’ve been avoiding for a long tim
I’m trying to understand what happens when someone realizes they may have become the thing that destroyed something important in their own life.
I know you may read story like this everyday and I’m
Sorry but I have no one to talk to.
I (25F) was with my ex bf (27M) for almost two years. I left him after leaving town for two months for a job opportunity, to be honest I think the distance played a huge role but we did it last year and it went well. The thing is, he got kinda tired of me (his words) a few months ago, so he stopped going out with me, giving less attention / affection, having less desire etc… it was kind of a phase because he seemed to have changed his mind few weeks before my departure. Except this phase, he was such a really really really good partner, almost perfect, nice , caring, loving and we truly loved each other. I can’t even find flaws in him that are a deal breaker rn.
But I think it stuck with me. When I left I met new people, started going out and I wondered if I saw a future with him in a few years, and it destroyed me bc I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I decided to break up. It wasn’t easy, I cried a lot , he showed real regrets and wanted things to work out. But I spoke about this with my friends and they all agreed I should end it.
So I did, and a few weeks later I got closer with an old friend, much closer and it wasn’t prepared at all, I didn’t want to get with someone else and wanted to grieve by myself.
The thing is we got close to a point they wanted a relationship, I first said no, but after some times he said our relation was a situationship, which he didn’t like, and I hate it too, so we got together.
After that, I felt great, I got to get closer and have a great experience. But I got a message from my ex, asking me to comeback he was really remorseful and sounded very honest. I didn’t say yes obviously but it broke me and now I have doubts. I do miss the connection I had with him, I was 100% myself, after all this time, we had our habits, our jokes, he knew everything about me and vice versa.
Doubt and regrets are eating me alive, I feel like I want to go back, but I also don’t want to regret leaving and hurting my current partner who’s also very nice and loving… anyone has been in a similar situation and could please help I’m begging
Edit : I also don’t want to lie to my current partner. I don’t want to engage in convo with my ex that could be hurtful to them and make them doubt my loyalty. Even if I’m having doubts I’ll never cheat
Went on a date, guy tried to kiss me, I said no, he got angry at me for saying no, I left, thought about you on the train home because I remembered you said you didn’t want to kiss me because you knew it made me uncomfortable. You know I miss you right ?
I’m sure some of you remember this, did not expect it to blow up as much as it did. 140k views, 1000+ comments.
So here’s the update. Someone said “imagine the kid grows up and wonders why they weren’t good enough”. Well that hit deep. I don’t want my kid to grow up thinking that.
So currently I am now excited to be a boy dad. It’s gonna be a little difficult sure but we’ll make it work. I’m sure the memories that come will definitely make it all worth it. Thank you for talking some sense into me.
Idc for feedback as i’m sure i know what most of you are going to say but I need somewhere to put this to get it off my chest for the night.
So of course i’m still currently in the relationship but the trust is broken and it’s all my fault. This is my first real relationship and there are things in a relationship that someone who’s been in many can understand much clearer than me. Communication is key and that’s where i failed.
I was going through my call log last week sitting at home and me and my gf had just gotten off the phone maybe 20 minutes prior so I was looking at who I could call. I seen the number of the girl I was talking to before my gf and thought I’d see how she was doing and we never really had in depth conversations it’s like responding with one word to a text message so the call was about an hour. This was also happening late around 10pm waiting for my gf to call me back before she went to sleep since she was eating and was watching her show at the time.
This call happened last week on Monday today is Tuesday.
After that call obviously since there’s no communicate since we don’t care to talk since we’re both in our own relationship and what not and she’s pregnant at the moment as well (something i learned in the call). Just so you guys know the last time we had called prior to that Monday was in december and it was me letting her know i have a gf now but there were no hard feelings. I thought I blocked her on everything but apparently I had forgotten the number so as time passed i hold no hatred as i’m not a hateful person.
Friday rolls around and I get a game 8ball sent on imsg so me knowing she’s unemployed and pregnant i figured why not we played 2 games and no other communication was going on. Sunday comes and we play darts I didn’t care to play so i didn’t open it until monday and my gf asked me who I was playing darts with. Our relationship has been an open book since we started dating at the end of december and if she wanted to look through my phone she’s always been able to I never minded.
Idk I just panicked I guess and lied i said it was a friend, said her name and how we know each other and 10 minutes later we had a conversation about it. I said the girl called me friday which is when i got the message (a lie), and that the call was only about 20 minutes (also a lie). I lied because I wanted to reassure her that there was nothing going on which was the case, but I panicked and was worried about her anxiety spiking. I explain our conversation the games sent and why I don’t see the girl any kind of way and I even showed the messages so she sees it’s just the games and nothing else. She was still worried there’s more to it which was valid.
Today she went through my phone which i willingly said that’s okay go ahead I have nothing to hide. Of course the receipts are all there and she sees I called her last Monday (my gf normally has me weekends but i’ve been at her place a lot and that monday and tuesday were the first days back home in a week or 2).
Angry and crying she asks me why I lied which I acted confused about like a fucking child that was so fucking stupid. I looked fucking stupid. So I admitted everything. Most things she had already known like the conversation and the messages, but seeing how I called first and the length of the call is there the problem lies. I lied and didn’t even think that communicating to her the week prior that I called her was necessary, which I didn’t. I see how much it hurts her, how much it broke the trust we built, even with the truth coming out it doesn’t matter because lying once about it could mean there’s more I lying/ hiding from her. There’s not. Not at all. After she explained that not only was it someone I used to talk to, but I had also lied about who called, the date it happened and MOST of all I didn’t communicate it to her. After experiencing this for the first time tonight, the only thing I wanted to do was reassure her and let her know that i’m telling her everything right now is the truth, not defend myself. I should’ve known better, I shouldn’t have lied, and especially I should’ve communicated better.
I should also note me and my friends aren’t not much of a critical thinker but her and all her friends are so their insight about the situation will be explicit and straightforward.
Any decision she makes isn’t wrong.
I love her and what we built in our relationship.
If there is one, i know it’ll be a slow and cautious process, but i really hope I can have a second chance at this with her.
Sorry for the long post and to anyone who reads it thank you I appreciate it and I’ll still read the feedback and if you have any similar experiences do tell it I would love to hear it.
(I‘m gonna apologize in advance, my English is not the best)
I cheated about one year and 5 months ago (March 2025). It was the worst decision I’ve ever made in my entire life.
I was at a really bad place mentally and my then relationship was constantly under pressure because of that. I hated myself and the relationship I was in so i took the cowards way and cheated instead of breaking it up properly.
The day after was so unreal, I couldn’t even remember doing anything. One of my friends called me and told me everything i did that night.
After the call i called my then girlfriend and told her everything.
The days after where like a blur to me, i remember that i couldn’t sleep in my own bed, couldn’t look at myself in the mirror and I couldn’t eat properly.
Life felt so unreal, the hole Situation felt unreal to me because I couldn’t understand why i would do such a thing to a person i loved.
Fast forward to today and since then i got therapy since October. I feel better then ever but this shit will haunt me for the rest of my days. No matter how much i work on myself, no matter what i do, this will stay and im kinda glad tbh.
I don’t want to forget what i did, i want to keep that memory to remind me of the version of myself that i NEVER want to become again.
My ex girlfriend and i are also talking again and spending time with each other and i gotta be honest it feels like we might have a chance of getting back together if (and thats a big if) we really put work into this.
Well anyways thats what i wanted to share with yall.
Hope you folks had a great day :)
For context I was married for 10 years. I got married at 19 and he was 29. Tbh, that's my only REAL regret in life but I have micro regrets and that's the post. We got divorced 2 years ago.
He was:
Financially irresponsible, hated to work
Didn't allow me to finish school (this is something we discussed before we got married, I had to finish school. But he would hide my keys, take the car, and he failed to cover half the cost with me which he agreed to before)
He started with holding sex when I wouldn't "obey" him or agree with him
He became mentally abusive and started to control what I ate and friends I had
Once we had kids, he wanted me to stay home, he didn't want them to go to doctors, he didn't want me to go to the doctor or dentist, my teeth were so bad
He started working less and less so we got evicted.
I offered to work some nights or some days to help financially but he wouldn't allow it
He started criticizing how I look, calling me ugly, old looking, too progressive looking
He started trapping me in rooms, taking my phone, arguing with me through doors. I started bringing the kids with me because I didn't want the kids to be affected.
He didn't want to discipline the kids, even when they did something wrong.
He wouldn't allow us to go to the doctor (pediatrician) even when our son got croup and an infection on his penis
I eventually left with NOTHING, because I hadn't worked in years and went right back to school and work.
These last 2 years he was begging me to come back but I refused. We separated on a couple occasions but my fear and the control he had on me was strong. But I stayed gone.
He dated on girl from Jan-May. She reached out to me, and because I didn't want to seem like the crazy ex wife, I gave her a very muted version of what I experienced, because what if he learned his lesson? Idk
He met someone end of May, and married her in 2 weeks. She seems nice and sweet but I feel like he'll just ruin her life too.
Sincerely wondering what kind of regrets people have at my age as I’m feeling a little alone in mine.
Im done with myself, I just cant make things right I ruined everything I hope you guys allow me to tell a story before I go
I always felt like whatever I do no matter how hard I try I always end up messing things up no matter what its like im eventually gonna fail at some point
Tbh i dont really know where to start but 3yrs ago I met the most amazing person my girlfriend and everything was perfect despite the long distance we saw each other from time to time and everything was great a few arguments here and there but you know the usual couple stuff, until I did something stupid and you guessed it I cheated im nothing but an ass I cant really understand why i did what i did I guess i felt like at some point i was being used and i did it for months but i did feel guilty and wanted it stop so i did, eventually she found out and im not blaming her but what i did was really stupid and she did try and forgive me and gave me a chance but she couldn't take the trauma and I understand that but I do wish that she saw that Inwas really trying to make things right and right now im still fighting for her to stay but she wants to let go, I guess I cant really blame her I did something unforgivable
I feel like thats been a pattern in my life even at work I left my work that doesnt really pay well but it was easy to a job that very new to me and pays very well but then i didnt get regularized and now I have no job no matter what I do no matter how hard I try eventually I will mess up I just want to disappear I cant live without her snd I ruined everything