u/crazybabe816

For context I was married for 10 years. I got married at 19 and he was 29. Tbh, that's my only REAL regret in life but I have micro regrets and that's the post. We got divorced 2 years ago.

He was:

Financially irresponsible, hated to work

Didn't allow me to finish school (this is something we discussed before we got married, I had to finish school. But he would hide my keys, take the car, and he failed to cover half the cost with me which he agreed to before)

He started with holding sex when I wouldn't "obey" him or agree with him

He became mentally abusive and started to control what I ate and friends I had

Once we had kids, he wanted me to stay home, he didn't want them to go to doctors, he didn't want me to go to the doctor or dentist, my teeth were so bad

He started working less and less so we got evicted.

I offered to work some nights or some days to help financially but he wouldn't allow it

He started criticizing how I look, calling me ugly, old looking, too progressive looking

He started trapping me in rooms, taking my phone, arguing with me through doors. I started bringing the kids with me because I didn't want the kids to be affected.

He didn't want to discipline the kids, even when they did something wrong.

He wouldn't allow us to go to the doctor (pediatrician) even when our son got croup and an infection on his penis

I eventually left with NOTHING, because I hadn't worked in years and went right back to school and work.

These last 2 years he was begging me to come back but I refused. We separated on a couple occasions but my fear and the control he had on me was strong. But I stayed gone.

He dated on girl from Jan-May. She reached out to me, and because I didn't want to seem like the crazy ex wife, I gave her a very muted version of what I experienced, because what if he learned his lesson? Idk

He met someone end of May, and married her in 2 weeks. She seems nice and sweet but I feel like he'll just ruin her life too.

I'm so sick of the dishonesty and trying to protect my parents feelings. I moved out when I was 19 and eloped with a brother. I ended up getting dfd and reinstated in my 20s but when I was 24 is when I woke up. My dad and I would have conversations but he's a die hard jw who was just very patient with me.

I got divorced with out scriptural grounds but my parents supported me because no one really liked that man and every one knew how miserable the marriage was. I ended up dating around and got pregnant which was pretty much worse case scenario but I love my kids but I'm ngl that was a tough situation to navigate.

I ended up going to the elders to kinda play their rules just to keep my parents happy. I got publicly reproved but during the meeting they told me my first sin was divorcing my husband. I went into great deal my reasons, which left them silent. What could they say? They beat me, financially and mentally abused me and wouldn't allow me to take my kids to school or the doctors.

Anyway, I'm 31 tomorrow and I'm just sitting here hating myself because I'm the worst sort of people pleaser. I know a lot of xjw get upset because I need to just cut the ties of control of the religion but I never got acceptance from anyone. I'm trying so hard to be accepted by everyone, idk who I am apart from a mom and daughter.

My parents know I don't want to be a jw anymore, they know I'm walking the fence but they keep trying. I just want to tell them, I don't want to go to the convention. Im going to celebrate my kids and my birthdays and I'm encouraging my children to find themselves instead of molding into a jw robot.

Sorry for the rant, I just feel so empty. Terrible part is I am happy, but it's always tainted by the religion.

My insicions are bruised and a little achy but each day my uterus (or that general area) feels so sore. I'm 3 months postpartum and have yet to have a period (or sex). This might sound crazy but I feel like it hurts where they nixed my tubes lol is that crazy?

My doctor called me 3 days post opp. I told her I was achy there and she asked if I was taking the pain meds. I took the oxy once while I had help (the day after surgery) but I've stuck w ibuprofen. She told me to take advantage of the oxy because the pain can get worse but she wasn't specific on where.

So anyone have dull ache, some cramping in that lower region?

Yesterday was the day!! I went in and signed it and waited. They were 2 hours behind but my doctor did call me and let me know what was going on so that was fine.

I just had my baby 2 months ago so I asked to be in the flow room while I waited so I could pump. So while I pumped they did the necessary paperwork with me and got me all hooked up.

I did start shaking and crying because of anxiety so the sweet nurses gave me "2 shots of tequila" lol after about 30 min I was rolled to OR. It was cold but they gave me warm blankets and last thing I remember was them putting that mask over my nose and mouth, the one that makes you feel dizzy and nauseous, but thankfully they gave me a patch and lots of zofran.

I woke up in a different room, w a different nurse, and feeling so disoriented but good! The only pain that was noticable was my vagina because of the catheter so I asked to pee. She offered me a bedpan but there was this gorgeous patient in front of me so I hopped up and started wandering🤣 she was like you cant do that, are you ok🤣 I was just dizzy so she got me a chair to wheel me to pee. It burned!! Still does. That poor man was throwing up so much, I felt so bad

Anyway, I got discharged. My parents got my favorite dessert for after and I had that n the car. They brought me home and I felt my baby so tight but with this relief I'll never have to raise another baby again lol

I'll come to update as the days go on but now I'm chugging and energy drink 😁

I'm so nervous!!! I feel like I'm doing this against my will but I'm a single mom of 3 with 2 fathers now. I can't afford anymore or else I'd have 10 more. I hate fucking with my hormones and I refuse to do it again so tube removal it is.

I felt so much more sure while I was pregnant because pregnancy is ghetto but now that my baby is here, I want 20 more lol

Anyway!! What can I do to prepare? I have health anxiety and hospital anxiety. Besides breathing deep breathes, what can I do? After your procedure what did u wear? They said loose clothing, but I low-key want to leave in a flowy airy dress lol is there a downside to that?

I love being under general anesthesia so I'm excited about that but def not the tube they have to put down my throat, that's a fear if mine.

Idk what I'm asking for lol just low-key scared