extremely worried about my ex-muslim brother
i want to preface this by saying, i’m not the best muslim out there, might not even be a good one, but my faith is solid alhamdulillah. i’ve never done this before so idk the rules or way of saying this and this might be all over the place. sorry for that. i’m the oldest of my parents’ 3 children and my younger brother has been straying away from islam and it has brought me great pain. i haven’t talked about this with anyone and i feel like i cant. all i’ve been doing is making dua to allah to help my brother. it’s been 3 years since i’ve known about this. the first year i found out he isn’t really muslim anymore was the worst. all i would do was cry and feel like i was in hell. doesn’t matter that he’s 25, he’s still my baby brother in my eyes and i can’t even think about anything bad happening to him or him ending up in hell. also to add, he was a drug addict before and the whole thing brought immense pain to my family. 2 years ago there was a physical altercation between me and him in our car, and it got physical. i haven’t spoken to him since then. i physically can’t. i feel so hopeless being his older sister and not being able to do anything for him. i know some might say im acting like i have a saviour complex, but thats my baby brother i really can’t see him destroy his life. he doesn’t partake in those hard drugs anymore (that we know of) but he still is as far away from islam as one could be. he doesn’t pray, doesn’t fast and im sure he doesn’t believe in allah anymore and that really kills me. he’s also said some very bad stuff about islam and everything (idk if he was sober then or not) some things have also happened in our lives that gave him a lot of emotional damage. he’s on prescription drugs too by the psychiatrist. he also has a hell of a victim complex. while my relationship with him can’t be fixed, i wouldn’t ask for anything else if his relationship with allah gets mended. i’ve been grieving my brother all these years now. my parents don’t know about this. (just about the drugs part) i also found out some years ago, he’s not even straight. found out he’s bisexual. i really really don’t know what to do. while i know it’s not my job to worry about him or do anything about it, i can’t help myself, i love him so much. i’ll never be able to tell him that since i have issues with saying these things, but i really do love him.
all i want is for him to come back to islam. i dont think ill ever be able to talk to him again (i have issues too) but i still want the very best for him. whenever i think about him, i cry (which is one reason i can no longer bring myself to even stay in the same room as him). i have been praying for him a lot but i dont think any of my prayers have been answered. i know allah only guides whomever he wants to, but is there nothing else i can do? are my duas not being answered because i myself am not that good of a muslim myself? am i making my duas wrong? is there anyone who can help me with some duas that i can make for my brother? please, im begging at this point.
if someone decides to comment on this, please don’t tell me to talk to him, because i physically can’t.
(sorry for this haphazardly written wordvomit)