Does anyone have insight as to what it’s like to be gay and from a conservative Indian background?
Hi,
I met this guy. We have great chemistry, and he’s really handsome, and we have found a bond. I really care about him. We’ve been seeing each other for about 9 months, with him regularly staying over, us messaging all the time, and chatting about life and everything.
The thing is he’s married to a woman. And he’s from the South of India. And Christian. With kids. He explained this at the start of our affair.
He’s been saying that he wants to tell his wife. But I’ve increasingly had the impression that he doesn’t intend to. As I’ve asked him to make a choice, he’s very clearly distancing himself from me. It actually really breaks my heart. He told me that he loves me, and that if it was a choice of me and his wife, it would be me everytime. But he can’t leave the kids. If he gets divorced, she’ll take the kids back to India, and he has almost no chance of seeing them (as the Indian Courts will always side with the mother).
It looks like he’s trying really hard to suppress his true self, as he’s terrified of the fear of the “social death” that will happen if his family and social network and church find out that he’s gay.
He described his plan to me. He said he will tell her in 6 months, and beg for forgiveness, and hope that she will take him back. If she doesn’t take him back, he said he will kill himself, and that’s the plan. He says he can’t choose me, as he’s not “white” like I am (so different rules apply in my culture).
Can someone help me to understand? Is there anything I can do to support him through this? I appreciate there’s a cultural difference, and he’s right about that, but it feels like he can’t choose his soul, which breaks my heart.
Thank you for any advice you can give.