I guess some things just aren't meant to be.
For context, this is the last convo namin of this guy I had a crush on. We talked before during college dahil ako nag initiate ng convo kasi crush na crush ko talaga siya nun. We had some great dynamic (at least in my point of view) may banter kami, flirting (mostly from me), and literally talked about nothing and every thing at the same time. We got to a point where we even watched movies through GMeet non (pandemic era unang usap namin). However, eventually, the messages started to just die off kasi parang di na match yung energy namin when it did before. What was long conversations eventually became short bursts na lang na puro "ahhh", "HAHAHA", or "aww". Eventually, I stopped kasi nakakadrain naman talaga maganon, na parang ako na lang talaga yung nasa convo na yun. It felt like I was speaking to a wall.
Despite this, naging mutuals pa rin kami sa socmed, especially IG kung saan kami una nag chat and nagkakilala. It was weird kasi even when the conversations stopped, di siya tumitigil sa pagpaparamdam ng presence niya - he would like my stories, my notes,and nung nagka instants, react to those, too. Recently, I got the idea na magparinig sa notes sa IG and to my surprise nagrespond siya. Umabot sa point na nagpaparinigan na kami sa notes: songs like Titig ni Mc Einstein, or Bahala Na by Kenaniah, tapos mga hearts, whatever naman, wala lang, parang may something akong nanotice through that.
However, recently chinat niya ako to congratulate me for passing a national exam (won't tell which kasi ang obvious). And from there, the conversation just flowed na lang ulit, na para bang hindi kami hindi nag usap for halos 3 years, and ayun lang, ang ganda ulit sa feeling, and what was different now was hindi na lang ako yung nagflirt - binabalik niya na sakin yung mga banat ko. I thought I had a chance, so I started to draft a message of confession, hoping to shoot my shot and baka this time, something might happen, na baka there's a reason why nag reach out siya sakin all this time ulit.
Alas, ayun, I wouldn't be making this post kung nagka happy ending kami diba? Bumalik yung sakit niya - the chats devolved into one liners instead of constant exchange mg ideas, then into reactions na lang sa mga replies ko, he never bothered to initiate the chat first, and eventually, di na lang ako nagchat kasi nadrain na rin ako. Pero I felt a deep sadness kasi I thought this time was different. Sadly, it wasn't.
I was ready to confess, too. But midway, I changed my confession to also accept the fact that it'll never get reciprocated. Nakita ko recent instant niya, he was on this paint by numbers date with someone else. I just sighed, went to his profile, and blocked him then and there.
Some things aren't just meant to be talaga, para lang akong pinaglaruan ng tadhana hahahah. Call me bobo and madali mafall or delulu, but my feelings for him never faded away all those years. He made me feel seen and understood in ways na never ko pa naramdaman sa iba, sakanya ko naramdaman yung tipong hindi ko pinipilit mag iba ng personality ko para lang mag fit in. It is what it is na lang talaga, sometimes the people we want, just don't want us back talaga ano.
TL;DR: May crush ako before na hindi nag work out pero naging moots pa rin kami sa IG, until nagchat siya ulit and pinaramdma na baka may gusto rin siya sakin epro nalaman kong may gusto pala siyang iba. I blocked him na.