I regret how it ended
I met this girl a while back. She was pretty and so I tried to make small talk with her in hopes of something happening but it didn’t work. Fast forward a few weeks and there she is again. Is this fate? We spoke and quite quickly hit it off. A while into speaking we started watching shows and movies together and it was clear I was interested in her and she was interested in me. And so I confessed and she confessed back. We started calling a lot more around twice a day. It was nice to hear her voice and have a chat at night, it was lovely. After a while she blocked me and said
“Let’s stop talking.”
Over a misunderstanding and it took around two days for her to unblock me. We obviously resolved the situation. And she said she missed me a lot. She showed me screenshots of her messaging her friends saying she missed me, she missed my voice which I found strange because you wouldn’t block me, you would try to resolve the situation at least. To me that was the end. So I just wrote down all my thoughts and let it out. And then she unblocked me, I was happy. Less than two weeks later she said the same thing,
“Let’s stop talking.” “I had a good time ily bye”
Am I a jester? You had a good time? That really sent me into a spiral of madness. Consumed with all these feelings yet not ounce of me felt rage. She was scared I could tell. Anxious attachment maybe? I felt like there were times I was being tested and she was looking for reassurance but that’s normal. However she’s always running away, fearing something, scared. I tried to figure it out but all these questions with no answers is just borderline psychosis waiting to happen. I loved her I truly did. And I miss her. Again, all these questions like does she miss me? She did love me I know that. But it’s just so painful. I want her back but she’s gone. It was as if I was being pushed and pulled by her. Even now I just hope she’s okay. I have one question for her and that would be a simple,
“How are you?”
That’s it. If she’s content, I’m content. I never want to go through this again. I feel like I’m grieving which in reality I am. I lost someone who was in my every day life and what makes it worse is that they’re out there living without a thought of me in their mind. So why am I so hung up on her? It hurts. But that’s my story.