My Ex returned
TW: Mention of suicide, alcohol abuse.
So this is kinda my first time posting something like this.
Last year I met a girl and we got close really fast. Maybe too fast the year bevore i met her i tried to end myself. Soon after in January I met her she brightened my day, I asked her out early because I genuinely felt like she was “the one.” We ended up being together for about half a year. We had good moments, but my insecurities made a lot of things harder than they should’ve been.
One thing that really stuck with me was her school ball. She had to dance with another guy, and even though I knew she probably couldn’t refuse, it still messed with my head badly. I already struggle with self-esteem and body image, so I kept comparing myself and spiraling over it.
What hurt even more was that her mom apparently sent me a picture of her dressed up for the ball, but I saw the message too late and it had been deleted. My ex also didn’t really want to show me pictures of herself in her dress or makeup. Maybe that sounds stupid, but I wanted to see her feeling beautiful too. Instead, all I could think about was that another guy got to see that version of her while I didn’t.
Eventually we fought and she broke up with me. Two days later she came back asking for another chance. Things never really recovered after that. I tried for months to fix everything, even when I felt emotionally exhausted already.
At one point I tried to end things myself, but she begged me to stay. Then a few days later she left anyway. She told me she’d never be in another relationship because she loved me too much. Less than a month later she had someone new.
Now, almost a year later, she texted me again after breaking up with that guy. She vented to me about him. She told me, that she texted him this “he (me) was way better in many ways then you.” She also sent me pictures of thier chat when they broke up and asked me for my opinion. Because she said something that i had emotional intelligence? Well. I played aling and talked to her i tried to comfort her. She said that he eas mean and called her things. The next day she texts me begging me to forget everything that she said and she said she was mean too for talking bad behing his back. It made me feel like she just fucked me over. Right when I was finally starting to move on too. The day I had to work and I felt so used and empty again. I had reason to believe that they fixed things again. Just by the way she texted me.
I honestly don’t understand why she came back. I don’t know what she wants from me, or why I still care this much after everything.
I hadn’t touched alcohol in a long time, but tonigh, I started drinking again because all those feelings came back at once.
I know there are two sides to every story, and I’m not pretending I was perfect. I just needed to get this off my chest.
saw the the message when I woke up and it was deleted. But I knew what it was. It was my girlfriend in her dress with makeup. Once the ball was done I talked with her, she had refused to show me her in the dress or makeup. And maybe I am an asshole but I had hoped she would at least share that. So the other boy not only got to dance with her, he got to ser her in her full beauty. Well soon after we got into a fight and she broke up with me. 2 days after she came back and asked me to come back. I was hesitant so she said she would be 'courting' me. Well naive me agreed. Things didn't go well. It was like a part of me died. Yet I refused to let her go. I tried over 2 months to fix things. But it didn't really work so I tried to break up with her which I had never done. Well she begged me to stay. And a couple days after that she left. She said she would never ever be in a relationship after me because she loved me so much. Not even a month later she had a new one. Well, a year later, she texts me, and the idiot that i am i lend her an ear. She told me that she just boke up with him. She talked him bad to me, she wrote me that she told him, "he (me) was better than you in many ways." And sent me the pics I was just about to move on from her. Why me? Why come back it doesn't make sense to me. It just doesn't. I haven't touched alcohol in a long time but now... I am drinking again... I don't know how to feel, even as i write this i am drunk. There is much more to her and me to get my or her side to this story, but I don't want to write a whole essay. I just need to get this off my chest.