I don’t even know if this is a vent, a plea for advice, or just me trying to feel less invisible for five minutes.
I’m a mom of three living in rural South Dakota, and I feel like I’m slowly running out of road.
A few years ago, my kids’ father and I moved across the country together as a family. Things ultimately fell apart between us after the move. I know Reddit loves to immediately light the dad on fire in these stories, but honestly, that’s not useful to me. I’m frustrated sometimes, sure. I’m envious of his freedom and autonomy at times, absolutely. But wasting energy hating him or trying to “hold him accountable” won’t solve the situation I’m in right now.
The reality is: we separated, and during one last rendezvous, I unexpectedly conceived our youngest son — despite previously believing I couldn’t conceive anymore. He just turned 2. He’s nonverbal autistic, incredibly bright, incredibly loving, and also a very high-needs, hands-on, 24/7 child. I’m fully here for him and I adore him, but it absolutely impacts what I’m realistically able to do for work.
When we moved to rural America, I had NO idea childcare was basically nonexistent. We’ve been on waitlists for a year and a half. Dad’s work hours are inconsistent and unpredictable, so “just work opposite shifts” has not been a workable solution, even though he has tried to get more consistency.
Before anyone asks: yes, I’ve tried. Hard.
I had savings. I stretched them for over a year. I downsized our lives. Sold personal belongings. Did gig work. Took odd jobs. Moved us into low-income housing before things became catastrophic because I was trying to be proactive instead of pretending things were fine.
I’ve applied for SNAP and Medicaid. TANF in my state requires 35 hours of work/volunteering, which I literally cannot fulfill because there is no childcare available. 211 here has very few actual resources. I’ve signed up for every remote-work platform I could find trying to make something happen from home.
And honestly? A lot of it has just turned into scams, ghosting, or “opportunities” where other people benefited from my labor/info and I never got paid. Prolific is the only one that has actually paid me consistently.
I KNOW I’m capable. That’s the hardest part.
I’ve always worked. I’ve always earned well. I’ve always provided a good life for my kids. I cook from scratch, teach my older child life skills, keep our home together, and genuinely take pride in being a capable woman and mother. I’m not someone who sat around expecting rescue. Work and home were my entire life for years, and I was happy with that.
But now I’m in this weird in-between place where I’m too functional for people to recognize I’m drowning, but too overwhelmed by logistics to claw my way out quickly.
My savings are officially gone now. I owe on utilities. My credit was destroyed a few years ago after identity theft, so loans are basically impossible. I’m currently waiting for the Department of Education to verify my identity so I can complete FAFSA and hopefully start an online program using Pell Grants. That could genuinely help turn things around long-term, but it’s still weeks away minimum.
And meanwhile, the clock keeps ticking.
I’m embarrassed. I’m scared. I’m realizing homelessness may become a real possibility if I can’t stabilize income soon.
I don’t have family to fall back on. I don’t have a big social network. I don’t have someone swooping in with childcare or money or connections. It’s just me trying to keep this ship afloat while taking on water.
I’m not giving up. I won’t. But I am exhausted.
So I guess I’m asking:
What am I not seeing?
Are there ACTUAL remote income options for someone in my situation — preferably flexible, not phone-heavy, and realistic for a parent with a high-needs toddler? Are there programs/resources I may not know about? Has anyone clawed their way out of something similar?
I don’t need luxury. I just need a foothold.