u/Fire59918

I’m 56 wife is 54. Married 28 years together 31. I still think my wife is as beautiful as the day I met her and I tell her that regularly. However she has turned into an ugly person towards me. I can’t tell you the last time my wife has complimented me or just grabbed my hand and told me she loved me out of the blue. We make love 1-2 times a month and there is zero affection from her to me. I’m not a terrible looking guy even at 56 I have nurses innocently flirt with me or even just tell me I’m handsome or don’t look my age. I would kill for those compliments to come from my wife. I offer her massages regularly because she is a dental hygienist and her shoulders get tight (which she gladly accepts). Me on the other hand I’m a firefighter 26 years so occasionally get aches and pains, never has she offered to help me in any way. In fact I am usually ridiculed with a comment if I do tell her I’m hurting. I can come home from work sometime 2-3 days without seeing her and she walks right by me. No kiss, no I’m glad you’re home nothing usually just a comment of something I need to do. In the totem pole of life I’m at the bottom. I come behind our grown sons, the gym, instagram, Botox etc and I’m tired. I don’t ask much in our relationship but I’m tired of giving and doing and the only return I get is rude comments, insults and what I’m not doing right. We are in the middle of a home remodel and so I decided to rent a hotel for a couple nights and tonight wanted to go to dinner with her and our youngest son 25. Well of course she starts in on me about something simple as where I parked, to the point I finally semi raised my voice to ask her to stop and to the point where our son even told her that she was making a big deal for no reason. Well god forbid someone besides me tell her she is wrong. I get the silent treatment and she is mad at me. When is she happy with me? When we make our annual trips to Cancun, San Diego, etc etc. oh and yes she has plenty of girl time. She takes 2-3 trips a year with just her girlfriends as well as regular girls lunch and dinner dates locally and I have no problem with that. I know her friends, all wonderful ladies and we are all couple friends for decades. I know I’m rambling but I just feel that our marriage is falling apart and there is nothing I can do about it. Anytime I bring my concerns she gets defensive and every excuse in the book comes out but it basically ends with her looking at me with even more distain. I’ve thought about counseling but that’s not going to work with her because things are fine with her as long as I stay out of her way and in my lane. I’m two years from retiring and I’ve worked hard to provide a good retirement for us and never has she said babe I’m happy for you or you have had a long career and deserve retirement. No her congratulations to me is you need to go get another job preferably at a hotel or airlines so she can get discount flights or hotels. She knows how much that drives me crazy when she says that and yet she continues to say it to me, sometimes in front of friends. I honestly don’t even trust her if I was to get a serious illness I truly believe if I was to get sick she would not care for me. She has even said in front of others if something were to happen to me she is still going to live life and basically it’s my problem. Yes I’m sure half joking but I also think she is half serious. I don’t know I just feel defeated, invisible and in the way with my life slipping away from me.