Im 27 and my "husband" is 31. I don't know what is right anymore. The last few weeks have blown up into situation I never thought I'd be in. I need advice on how to view this situation, because right now I feel wronged and when I feel wronged it is hard for me to choose the more cooperative path.
It all started when my husband and I got our tax return. He didn't tell me about it and I didn't know it had come since it was deposited in his bank account. It was 7k, because we have a 2 year old daughter. I found out because he slipped up when we were out at a restaurant. I was a little upset because he hid it from me, but thought that maybe he had just recently got it. As the conversation continued, it became clear that he decided to keep it all for "bills" and because I hadn't payed rent in the last 4 months (lost my job.) I had used my remaining money for me.
I was angry because he said that I would get my share when we discussed it prior to doing our taxes, and didn't have a conversation with me about his decision. I didnt feel like I was being treated like a wife. Things escalated and he stated that he was going to pay it all towards rent if he had to (so there would be nothing for me to ask for). I thought to myself "okay, well hes keeping it all and yes he didnt talk to me. But maybe now he will start paying for me instead of me paying for myself, and taking care of me." Then I broke when he asked me to pay for my own restaurant bill.
2 days passed of me begging him to understand that I just wanted to be included in a conversation and that he could at least start providing more for me if he were to keep it all. He was dismissive and my mental state was degrading, with resentment festering. Day 3 I decided to go to a restaurant to order pretty drinks and get drunk which I never get to do because he doesn't like to and I'm not allowed to go by myself. But that day, I was going to do what I wanted. So he packed up our daughter and went with me. Everything was fine. I was having fun sitting on the restaurant patio, sipping while he sulked.
Then we get home later and I was drunk and angry so I begun arguing with him. He took his phone out to record me and I slapped his phone out of his hand. Then he slapped me across the face (not hard, no mark). I ran outside to call the police and he showed them the video of me arguing and slapping his phone. He admitted to hitting me, but I got arrested and charged because I was the aggressor. I spent the night in jail.
Because the police were called and our daughter was home, CPS got involved. They visited us, and deemed she was fine. But he told them I was an alcoholic, so I had to do a drug and alcohol test. Both came back negative and my levels are not consistent with alcohol abuse.
Now, a week later, I got a new job. I have negative $8 in my account, yet he started going on about how I need to pay rent. I didn't want to discuss it because I had no intention of paying him any money and honestly wanted to show him what its like to be dismissed. He then took all the tv cords away, wont let me drive our car, and is apparently taking away laundry soap from me. I told him that this is not how you treat a wife, and that I wasn't going to pay him rent.
So, who is wrong? I genuinely don't know anymore. I know I was wrong for getting drunk and arguing. I also feel that he perpetuates a hostile home environment. Also, it doesn't matter who is wrong because I will do anything to make sure my daughter has a safe home. This is just to help my perspective and maybe help me be more cooperative with my husband.
Tl;dr: Husband kept tax return from me, and my anger festered into me getting drunk and arguing with him. I got arrested and spent the night in jail. CPS is involved because our daughter was home. Now he wants rent money and after refusing, is taking things away from me. Who is wrong?