U.S. I don't even care that much about my iq, i'm just pissed of that every single one says free than wastes your time doing the whole thing only to find out you DO need to pay. I will find a free one, It's a matter of spite now.
This will be a bit of a read because I need to explain like my whole life So i'm a guy, 16 years old, and my freind, (who will remain unnamed) is the same age and also a guy. He just about the only friend I have, I have like 5 other friends but I don't see them often and two live in a different state so for a long time and even now it's really just been me and him. I'm homeschooled and i'm not with a co-op or anything so I don't ever have the change to meet anyone except at church on Sundays and Wednesdays cuz my family's christian. So as i've stated i only really see him and i don't have much of a way to meet any new friends and i don't really want to in the slightest, i'm competely content with my life as of current. I'm am self diagnosed with autism in case that matters at all and I know how that might make me sound but I swear I not just saying that, I genuinely believe I have it.
I'm gonna explain a bit about my family but I swear it's important to this.
So the main reason i'm only self diagnosed is because my family is christian and I'm not sure how they'll react to that, i'm also a closeted furry which I don't know if i'll ever have the heart to tell them that. I don't really know if i'm even a christian at this point. But me and the friend I might have a crush on tell eachother everything, and he made a off handed joke about furries cuz he saw a couple of my web comics and I just agreed with him which was basically a confession. He did not care in the slightest, which was a relief. But just as i'm unsure of my faith I think he might be too? Cuz like just the way he is, he doesn't act like a christian, last week we went and graffitied on and under a bridge which is a blatant crime i'm pretty sure. But then he'll randomly start talking say something that makes me wonder if he is a devoted christian. I dunno.
We're teenage boys so of course we talked about being gay at some point and he said he'd rather die, and I think he was serious. That was actually before he learned that I'm a furry so it was at least a year ago, but, sometimes his opinions change within the week, sometimes it stays the same for months. I know he doesn't *think* i'm gay because every time he teases me about furries it's always a picture or video of a girl furry.
And to be honest I don't even know if i'm gay, I like some girls so I guess i'd be Bi actually, but like... I just dunno. I feel lost. I don't think about when i'm with him at all but today me and my sister got lost on some backwood road and swerved of the road into a ditch, the car is totaled. It wasn't my sister's fault and we both handled it really well and we're home and safe and mostly uningured. I sent an explanation to him but he has some parental lock that makes his phone shut off a 10:00, and we crashed at like 9:50 or something and i wasn't thinking about him until it was was like 10:15ish. I sent him a text but he won't even see it until the morning and all I want is for him to respond. I know he can't but I just... want him to.
See now that I've written it all out I don't even feel the same way anymore, this always happens. The more I think about it the more I doubt but I don't know if that's just my christian side telling me I couldn't possibly be gay. And his whole family are very republican and he's not as much but still mostly right sided. I just wish I could tell him and make things go back to normal after. Because if I do like him (which there's still a good i don't) how would I even tell him?
If any seasoned feeling experts know any way to tell for sure if this is a crush or if it's just my stupid anxiety fanfiction writer brain going haywire again, please comment.
All I can hope is that he doesn't see this because sometimes he looks at mg phone. He never goes into any important so I don't usually mind but I dunno if he deems reddit as 'important' and even if he does go into reddit I can just make up some reason why he shouldn't. Now that I think about it, he already did this, he told one of his past friends had a crush on him but moved away and told him the day he left. He didn't really say how he felt about it i guess but... I dunno, my stupid anxiety is making me ramble again.
If you have any adivice, please for the love of all that is holy tell me.
Sorry for the long read, and I'm recoverign for a wreck so I might spelled some stuff wrong.