AITA for struggling to adapt to a changed relationship dynamic? (more context)
I (21M) started dating someone about 6 months ago after we clicked really quickly. Early on, she was the one who introduced a lot of sexual energy and intimacy into the relationship, and it felt healthy, loving, and emotionally connecting for both of us. We later had to go long distance because of school.
A few months in, she told me right before my birthday that she had gotten high in a closet, and that while in the closet she got a “vision from God” telling her to change her life. After that, she abruptly quit vaping, weed, all sexual things between us, piercings, and even stopped her medication cold turkey. I genuinely tried to respect her decisions and adapt because I cared about her and wanted the relationship to work as well as being a Christian myself. She seemed very upset that I wasn’t happier over it and that I was sad about something that “wasn’t such a big deal” and just kept saying that “this wasn’t the reaction she thought would happen” and it was a rough conversation.
The issue wasn’t just “no sex.” Physical intimacy had become one of the main ways I felt emotional closeness from her, especially because she already struggled with verbal affection/reassurance due to trauma and mental health issues. So when intimacy disappeared, I tried communicating that I needed more emotional reassurance and affection to still feel connected and wanted, especially in a long distance relationship.
From my perspective, whenever I brought up possibly filling in the gap left by the lack of physical/sexual intimacy, she’d either get defensive or say she was trying, but I never really felt or saw much change. Over time she felt more emotionally distant, our FaceTime calls became quieter, and I started feeling lonely inside the relationship. Even in person, she stopped things like kissing longer than 5 seconds or physical closeness because “it feels like lust”. What confused me more was that she would still occasionally initiate sexual things herself, but afterward would express intense guilt and say things like “I’m weak” or “we need to do better,” which left me feeling guilty and dirty too. I also noticed that she was much more expressive and verbally affectionate before her decision as well, leaving me missing what things were like before immensely.
I’ll admit I became more visibly anxious and insecure as time went on, but the issue felt deeper than just sex to me. I really did try to respect her choices and make things work. The relationship recently ended and I’ve been hung up over it and blaming myself for a lot.
AITA for struggling with this situation and feeling hurt by the sudden change in intimacy and affection?