We met in college, we both were 18, we both had a crush on each other at some point but covid and stuff happened and we lost contact, in final semester when we both were 22 and lockdown was over, he actively pursued me, and we bonded so good, like next level good, we knew he was going to US for masters yet we couldnt help it, had the best time of my life during those 6 months.
He gave me the ultimate princess treatment, very good nature and caring, I was not sure about long distance but he insisted it will work out, and the long distance started. I live in India, he studied and got a job in US, the timezone difference is crazy, initially we used to spend a lot of time together, but it became very very difficult to manage time after second year, when I slept he woke up, when I woke up he was already sleeping, but we kept meeting every 6-8 months, though in between we did not meet for one whole year. He has been living in nyc, he has good friends, good job. I live in hyderabad, work in a FAANG company, with few but close friends, we fight so much because of long distance and stuff but when we meet it gets better again, and so 4 years went by like this. We play online games, watch movies etc to spend time together occasionally.
None of us have cheated or liked any other specific person, both families know about the relationship and everyone is very happy and supportive about it. He has sponsored a lot of international trips for me, and got many expensive and wholesome gifts also. He is a nice guy with a good nature but something happened a few months back which has made me so so confused.
FYI, I used to fight a lot initially, and everytime I wanted to break up, initially he used to beg a lot for me to stay but with time he got used to it and stopped caring. He thinks I will never actually leave, based on my past behaviour.
So, in september last year he confessed that he has thoughts of wanting to date other random girls, holding their hands and flirting, this was so shocking for me, I agreed I have momentarily such thoughts too but I wouldnt act on it. It broke me, I couldnt stop crying, had very bad days, he realised he wants to continue with me and these thoughts were just distractions, and we continued, we met again, went to trips, had a great time, but whenevr I ask do you still have these thoughts, he brutally says yes he does, and he cant help it, I am like wtf dude, I know boys have more physical desires but this hurts me so much. He says he will never act on it, but idk if I am okay with this thing or not, point is, what if it will always turn out to be like this (whoever I date)? We are going to end long distance in 3 months but occasionally I have these thoughts and I am like I want to break up, I dont want to stay with him anymore, but some days I feel like I should stay he is a good guy. I am so confused idk what to do, please help guys.
He has apologised and says he loves me and wants to be with me, and these thoughts were just a distraction because of long distance, but I am not able to forget these thoughts, what to do?