[30F] Dating my boyfriend [35M] for a few months and his hygiene habits are affecting my attraction. How do I address this without sounding controlling? Or am I?!
I’ve (30F) been dating my boyfriend (35M) for a few months. He’s genuinely kind, thoughtful, emotionally available, and treats me very well. That’s why I’m struggling with this. The issue is that some hygiene and grooming habits are starting to affect my attraction to him.
Early on, I realized he wasn’t brushing his teeth before bed. Ever. We talked about it, and to his credit, he now brushes them at night when I’m around. However, he still tends to only brush his teeth in the morning if he’s showering. If he doesn’t shower first thing, he often doesn’t brush his teeth before going out, eating breakfast, etc., unless I mention it.
There are also some habits that I find increasingly off-putting. He frequently licks sauce, frosting, or food residue off his fingers, even when napkins are available, even in public. I’m not talking about messy finger foods like wings. He’ll run his finger across a plate to get leftover sauce, scrape his plate with the fork for every last bit, etc. It happens often enough that I’ve caught myself avoiding ordering messy foods around him because I know I’ll end up focusing on it.
He also regularly puts his hands down his pants while relaxing at home. I understand men need to adjust themselves occasionally, but recently we were cuddling on the couch and I noticed his hand just resting there. When I asked about it, he laughed and said he was just “cupping his balls.” Is that a soothing/ES thing??
The bigger concern is that these don’t feel like isolated habits. He struggles with motivation in general and has admitted that himself. I don’t want to shame him or parent him, and I appreciate that he listened when I brought up the tooth brushing. At the same time, I don’t want to feel like I’m managing a 35-year-old man’s hygiene or make him feel bad about it.
We’ve only been dating 3 months, so I’m trying to figure out whether this is something worth addressing again or whether it’s a compatibility issue. How would you approach this conversation gently?