Don't know how to deal with nonsensical (and very) anticipatory grief.
Ever since I lost my grandmother who was a mother to me, I can't stop feeling anticipatory grief over my mom, who thank god has no health problems. I feel alone in this sentiment, selfish and just ridiculous. A cousin of mine, her niece, is so extroverted and charismatic, everyone loves her and she gets along with my mom really well. Mom also is no living in the same place with us anymore. All of these add to my absurd anticipatory grief. It hurts me that she chooses to spend so much time with her over me, who is so anxious and desperate over this exact thing, how much time I have left with her. It hurts me that I am the only one who feels this way. I don't know how to stop it, I've been feeling 3 years like this. I can't help but feel jealous and very hurt, I have no choice but accept that I am not remarkable and she will never feel about me the way she feels about her.