AIO? In-laws brought a baby (not theirs) to my home with no warning and I have an aggressive dog
aggressive isnt the best word to describe the dog, so I apologize for that. Anxious and unsure of new people is how I would describe her. Shes never bitten anyone or even shown that she wanted to but she is dog aggressive.
My husband and I hosted a birthday party for his three kids (all teenagers or young adults) with his family which includes his parents, his brother, his brother's wife and three of their four kids (also teens and young adults). There have been many things over the years that have happened and this is definitely NOT the first time my in laws have been selfish and inconsiderate to me and my husband.
My BIL has an adopted son (we'll call him C) from my BILs first marriage that now has a baby about 5 months old. They have little to no contact with C because he has been in and out of trouble and burned just about every relationship hes ever had, including with his family. The babys mother (we'll call her A), is young and has been pressured by my BIL and SIL to let them keep the baby regularly. My SIL does not work and offers free childcare and pressures A to take advantage of their generosity because they are "the babys family, too", so "A" gives in and lets them take the baby even when she isnt working because they beg her constantly. (I learned most of this after the party) But they dont want to hang out with A and the baby at the same time, they only want to be with the baby. A and C have brought the baby to two family gatherings at my MILs house and a family reunion at a restaurant but the baby has not been to every event and I didnt expect her to be at by house because this is the first time I've heard of her going anywhere without A or C.
For this party, my BIL and SIL were over 30 minutes late and when they arrived, had the baby with them. No A and no C (who specifically wasn't invited because he has stolen from us before). No one, including my MIL (who i found out later knew the whole time) gave me a heads up that the baby was coming.
I have two small rescue dogs that do great with our family, but one of them can be unpredictable with strangers and other dogs that show aggression. Shes never bitten anyone but has also never been around a baby and has a very high prey drive (shes a terrier). My in laws know about this dog (her unpredictable behavior started after THEIR DOG attacked her a few years ago) and know that she has been in training for her anxiety and reactions to stimuli.
Instead of keeping the baby away from the dog, they kept sitting on the couch with the baby and putting the baby in a bouncy chair thing on the ground. I kept asking them to keep her away from the dog (we had multiple other sitting options for them to use), but I kept being ignored because they all wanted to sit on the couch together with the baby.
They also completely ignored my stepkids during this party including during presents and cake/singing, to pay attention to the baby, which is fine, but I had to ask them three times to stop talking while the kids were opening presents because they were being so loud and rude.
I eventually had to put my dog in our backyard for a bit because my two teenage nieces kept intentionally putting the baby on the couch, letting/encouraging my dog to jump up there and then overreacting when my dog would sniff the baby calmly. It was in the mid-90s this weekend so I brought the dog back inside but ended up holding her for the rest of the party because no one would stop putting the baby in places the dog could get to, instead of just sitting at our high top kitchen table with her. We have a crate for the dog but are still training her to use it without screaming the entire time she's in it. She was part of a hoarding case and spent 99% of her life in a crate before we got her and is terrified of being in an enclosed space alone. We're working on it, but I dont feel like any of that should matter since this situation shouldn't have happened without warning in the first place. If I had been given warning I could have dropped the dogs off at boarding or to get a haircut or as a last resort, given her some Trazadone so she would have slept most of the time.
My dog didnt do anything bad, but thats only because I had to keep stopping what I was doing to make sure she didnt have the chance. The thought of something happening sent my anxiety through the roof and the fact that no one would acknowledge me or my requests really upset me. There were also multiple shitty comments made by my in laws about my dogs and I ended up just sitting outside for part of the party because it was easier than being inside. They of course assumed I was being antisocial and made comments about that as well.
My husband and I mentioned our frustration to my MIL and she blamed me for having a dog that cant be trusted around a baby but I dont feel like my dog is the issue here. I would never show up to someone's house with my dog with no warning and expect them to make significant accomodations for me, ya know? This was also after we bought separate food for my BIL and SIL because they claim theyre allergic to everything after taking an Amazon allergy test and all of a sudden decided to stop eating red meat the day before the party, so we made sure there was something else for them to eat.
Now im considering canceling the beach trip we were all supposed to go on this summer because I just dont want to be around any of them anymore and my MIL is calling me dramatic but every party or get together feels this way. My husband, his kids and I get ignored, while my in laws find a way to make everything about them.