holy moly. huge rant/vent. anyone have any advice? hopefully people can relate?
i go to therapy biweekly to help my jealousy issues. I didn’t do super well in between sessions, and slowly obsessively checked their reddit (which is crazy, i never really used reddit before this relationship). I could NOT emphasize how different we are and how much it eats away from me.
for context, my current bf was with his ex for seven years and he’s turning 22.
they’re a stripper, phone sex operator, cam girl, AND does only fans. i’ve always worried that because of my sexual trauma, it would affect my relationships and that my partners would end up leaving me (i identify on the asexual spectrum). knowing my bf was with someone who was so much more sexual and exploring hurts me. it makes me feel so insecure. am i boring? i like making love with my bf, and he’s the reason why i feel so safe. he says he’s happy with it, but his kinky ex has worried me, especially since he’s done way more than I have. (and i’m unwilling to try new things).
ALSO. early in our relationship we went to denver, colorado (i grew up there). i mentioned offhandly that maybe we’d have time to go to boulder, co. he seemed pretty insistent on going so i agreed. i love boulder and really wanted to go to my dream college there, but decided against it due to it being a small campus and my abuser goes there.
today, i was talking about my therapy session and about his ex. not sure how it got to that point, and he mentioned his ex really wanted to go to boulder, co because they’re a geology major and thought it would be funny.
so NOT ONLY does my abuser go to boulder, his ex wants to move there. my two biggest foes going to my dream city. what are the chances, do i have bad luck written on my face?
what the fuck am i supposed to think, man.