How to begin the clock for no contact when they won't arrange to pick up their things?
TLDR: ex won't communicate about getting his stuff out of my place and won't even clearly define where we stand. He wont have any communication after a cruel breakup and its infuriating because I want to go no contact and block him. I struggle to not reach out so blocking and removing all ties helps but he does not struggle to let me sit in the silence and suffer. He ended up telling me to throw it all out.. but im not gonna do that either and give any ammunition its like a ton of pretty important or sentimental things. Too much to ship and we live 3.5 hours away now.. also he doesn't have a car ha usually takes the train
P.s. sorry my tldr is also sooo long
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Yesterday breakup was hell. We are no strangers to breakups been together 3 years and we have fights we threaten breakups and we have had two 1-2 month breaks and reconnection after radical forgiveness on my end. This one felt very real. I've been cheated on lied to in the past in the heart of bim in a drug addiction and at the end of the day I've given second chances and given him the world and a chance to really show the great capable person i see inside him. After the cheating and initial reconnection about a year ago i moved out of state to try to get out of this cycle (also pursue a job new life) and he ended up following me and pledging to change his life. didnt help because now im isolated from friends and family after discard. The past 5 months hes lived in my house rent free not working because I've been trying to give some space for him to get sober and get into an apprenticeship to build a better life. Through our whole relationship id never seen him show up for me as much as in these 5 months so i had hope. This week he moved into a place to start a work apprenticeship soon and hes 3.5 hours away from me so we've discussed how to make long distance work and have planned a lot for our summer. He talks about he wishes we lived together but has to do this in that particular city but after 2 year apprenticeship is over in that we'll live together. We plan to make it work to see eachother every weekend. He plans to watch my dog when I travel for work which is a huge help because I have no network and have to go somewhere every other week. we've been really good in the 5 months he was at my house sober off hard substance and a lot of his behavior has been wayyy better but still.. idk how I tolerate bare minimum and the conditioning that I dont deserve fair partnership.
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Flash forward to yesterday the first weekend I visit him at his house out of no where a small disagreement about .. he screams at me mean shit and I shut down and want to leave. Im 3.5 hrs from home at his house. At this point he was trying and I was shut down and knowing i deserve better treatment and i felt trapped somewhere i couldnt convince him to love me better. I leave but immediately change my mind -wanting him to try harder to insist I stay somewhere safe and dont want to make the drive at night. I didnt want to leave anyways just wanted him to be nicer. I kinda nudge him to tell me i can come back but when I come back hell rains down on me in his anger.
Every word I say he screams in my face how he hates me hates everything about me. No longer wants to touch me hug me fuck me is so over me and our relationship that its done and hes just been staying with me cause hes 'too nice.' He loves me but hates being in a relationship with me. He screams at me and is so cold the whole night while im trying to be at least cordial and say if this is our last night and im still someone you love as a friend let's cherish eachother for old time sake. and he won't touch me even me moving around in his bed he screams at me to shut up be quiet. Screams at me for crying and i cant control it. I ask him how he doesnt care and he says because hes been over it and every fight he cares about me less and closes his hearr moee. He said hell talk to me in the morning and dont leave right away he just needs to sleep he still loves me we just wont work. I sense he doesn't truly mean everything he said. hes said it all before and then tells me he doesn't mean it. But also maybe im an idiot to believe that.
I wake up and wait in this dark room for an hour to talk to him. Don't wanna spend the day in traffic or waiting to be kicked out id rather get going if thats how this ends. I finally wake him and softly ask if he want me to go or talk and he again starts screaming get the fuck out leave I hate you I hate your voice just shut up bitch blah blah. He does hate being woken up but no excuse.. So I exit with the dog and drive 4 hours.. I told him thats not right and his response is that i cant take any blame cause leaving the night before was the last straw. Even tho i just left for an hour and walked the dog and took some space then hinted to coming baxk. He subtly hints regret that he wishes he talked to me and wished i was still there spending the weekend together. Also says he wishes it ended different, says we should just keep long distance or that maybe see me again for a real goodbye and to get all his shit he left at my house. All confusing not clear ends. but he will NOT have a phone call to clarify what we are in. Break, break up, open to other connections? After the first hour of my exit he stopped responding. He went to a party took psychedelics hungout with friends and ignores me all day with the coldest responses. Just "cool" to my paragraphs or 'wtf Im on shrooms I dont wanna talk to you.' I dont get how a person takes psychedelics after doing someone like that.. im embarrassed by my paragraph sending but as you can tell from this post i am not concise in communication. we were supposed to go to that party together have this whole nice weekend. He has friends and family out here and I moved away from all my friends and family to escape this cycle and pursue a new job but somehow ended up with him being my ONLY friend or support network out on the east coast. And I somehow moved to the worst city to make friends in it feels its been so hard to juggle with life responsibilities
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I like closure. my closure should be the silence and horrible treatment. But all our 'false breakups' through time without clear communication on anyone's time but his gets me really confused about never assuming its really done.
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I have a TON of his stuff at my house. Like its taking up a whole room in my house and I'd like to get it out to rent the room, save some money and potentially have some company. I just want him to get it out so I can set no contact boundaries for myself and not wait for his response on this. I have so much travel for work coming up id really like him to get his stuff out like next week. I dont wanna delay this energetic tie and its so frustrating all communication is on his time and he cast me out so cruely but then just lives his life like he doesnt care and is too busy has more important things than the girl whos literally saved his ass and gotten him back up off the ground on every possible occasion and he doesnt see it.