Any insight is welcome
I dont know what wrong with me,i get so so angry at times,and most times i cant even exspress it(i no long have any friends let alone anyone i can talk to like this too),as my father will throw a bitch fit if i do as he cant tolerate any negitive emotions from me,hes the main cause of them so i should not be surprised.
I am writing this now as i just had a fight with him,they happen every few mounths like clockwork,its actually been awhile this time if i think about it.
But anyway the argument goodness it effected me,i paced in my room for awhile seething thinking of every cruel and mean truth i wish i had the balls to shout at him,or that i could just kick his ass enough to make him understand or if not atleast make him shut up.
I broke penclis in half as i needed to destroy something without it causeing any signifigant damage to anything or attracting attention,i slamed the side of my fist into my forhead as its the best way to do so without any serious damage to me,iv been like this i think a semi-long time,iv even developed this angry tick were i bite down hard unto my individual knuckels,iv done it so long that iv developed these horrible calluses on the sides of them were i bite,in the past iv punched things,i didnt this time thank goodness,this was actually one of my more contained moments but i digress.
After awhile of that i cool down a bit,and almost like a switch i sit and the weight of my whole shity life crashes down suddenly,i feel it all and i can see my horrible life and future comeing at me,and i cry, very shorty,a quick contraction of my face in a mask of pain and a few strong tears,over in less then a minute,i dont why this is the only method i can weep anymore,but after that i get a bit tried,and then here i am writeing you all.
I think this all happened in the span of about an hour,maybe a bit shorter
I dont know why im doing this,never have before,maybe im so desprate for any form of acknowlagment that im posting my most hidden struggels on the internet.
Any response is welcome.
Thank you.