How do you deal with the fear of misreading another woman?
I'm not open about my sexuality. Nobody in my life knows that I'm attracted to women. I'm 40 years old and I've never had a relationship with a woman, even though I've wanted one.
It wasn't until my 30s that I started admitting to myself how I really felt and slowly letting go of the pressure to date men, get married, and become a mother.
As a woman who came to understand her attraction to women later in life, I think comphet and heteronormativity play a big role in my uncertainty and overthinking in these situations.
But now I feel stuck in a different kind of uncertainty. When I develop feelings for a woman, I have no idea whether she could ever feel the same way. Even if she is single, I don't know if she's attracted to women at all, or if I am just misreading normal friendliness.
Most of the time I end up doubting myself and doing nothing, especially when the woman is someone I see regularly like a coworker or a neighbor. The fear of misunderstanding the situation — and the fear of being seen as inappropriate — stops me completely.
I'd love to hear from others in the same situation. How do you deal with developing feelings for women when you can't even be sure if it's possible for them to feel the same way? How do you approach this without risking awkwardness or fear of being "that person"?
I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this in real life, which is why I'm here. I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences or advice.