My mom is having a psychotic break and I don’t know what to do.
My (26F) mom (56F) is having a psychotic break and I just don’t know what to do. A little background info, my mom is extremely religious, and likes to use God telling her to do things as excuses for a lot of her decisions. She is also disabled, she had a stroke 11 years ago and is highly functional now but is unable to drive. My mom is also incredibly manipulative, explosive, toxic, and has never been a great mother. She hates my sister and I’s relationship and has tried to get in between it our whole lives, she wants to be our favorite person and included in everything 24/7. I want to preface this by saying I have taken care of my mom since I was 15 years old when she had her stroke and so has my sister regardless of how horrible she was to us. She denied physical therapy after she left the hospital, and has admitted multiple times how she loves that she doesn’t have to do anything except some house work now.
She kicked my stepdad out about a month ago because “God told her to”, so he left. He still checks on her every day, pays all of the bills she allows him do, and does tasks for her. He is staying married to her because he still loves her and wants to be with her, but she wants him to stay away etc. It is still his house, he left solely because she wanted him to. I haven’t spoken to mom because the last couple of times Ive seen her she has been awful to me, and I have been struggling mentally after my dog died and deemed it was best to stay away unless she needed me. She has not reached out at all, not even for my birthday last month. Everytime i’ve reached out I didn’t get a response or I got a “fine” when asking how she was.
Stepdad called my sister and I last Thursday to tell us mom has been refusing to eat for the past 9 days because she wants to die. My sister and I couldn’t get ahold of her, so we dropped into her house and brought her a coffee. She immediately blew up on us, she called me pathetic because I “hadn’t come seen her because my fiance is controlling” which isn’t true, but I didn’t tell her the real reason why because I didn’t want to escalate her emotions. She said my sister uses her for free childcare, screamed at us about how she doesn’t care about us or anything, and told us blatantly to get the fuck out. She told us we haven’t come and seen her so why do we care now. When we asked her why she hadn’t eaten for the past 10 days she said that “she is fasting so Jesus grants her her wish to die”. She called the cops on us to trespass us. We left.
We both texted her to tell her we loved and cared about her, she told our stepdad that if we reach out again she will block us for good. We called the non emergency number to see if they were able to do a wellness check, they can’t because she’s not in immediate danger to herself. We contacted DSS, they did a wellness check yesterday and they can’t do anything either. Stepdad offered to move back in and take care of everything as her not eating has caused her to not be able to do anything, she refused. We have asked her church’s pastor to talk to her as we feel hopeless. I feel hopeless.
If you got this far, you’re a saint. Wth do I do?? I’m heartbroken. This is going to sound selfish but I feel like the minute I try to protect my peace and take care of my mental health she blows up my life. She hates me, and I’m trying to grasp that I may not have my mom at my wedding next year. I mourned her when I was 15 and now I feel like I’m back there and I feel so traumatized. I know shes not doing mentally okay, but where do I draw the line for myself?? Am I a terrible daughter??