AITA for making my husband choose between me or coaching ?
My husband and I have three very busy boys, and all of them are involved in sports. During baseball season, our lives seem to revolve entirely around practices, games, tournaments, and everything in between. My husband coaches every sport they play, and honestly, I love that about him. I love that he’s involved, that he’s present, and that our boys get to make those memories with their dad.
The problem is that somewhere along the way, our marriage seems to have fallen to the bottom of the priority list.
I don’t expect grand gestures or constant attention. I simply want some time together as husband and wife. I’ve tried bringing this up to him more times than I can count, hoping we could find a way to reconnect amid the chaos of raising kids and managing sports schedules.
But every time I try to have the conversation, it gets turned around on me. Instead of discussing how we can make time for our relationship, he’ll say things like, “Fine, I just won’t coach anymore.” The thing is, I know he doesn’t mean it. It feels more like a way to shut down the conversation than actually address the issue. Then I’m told I’m being selfish, that I’m making him feel guilty, or that I’m asking too much or the best yet he comes up with a solution and then never follows through and blames it on the schedule when I ask.
What frustrates me most is that I’m not asking him to stop coaching. I’m not asking him to choose me over our kids. I’m asking him to make room for both. I believe a healthy marriage deserves attention too. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want a date night, a conversation without distractions, or even a small effort to remind each other that we’re more than just parents and chauffeurs.
Sometimes it feels like he expects me to put our marriage on the back burner for the next fifteen years until the kids are grown, and that’s something I’m simply not willing to do.
So now I’m left wondering:Am I the asshole?