I "Want" to be trans.
Hey peps! I've been wanting to make this post for a while, but I have been a little nervous to do so. For a couple of years now, I have been struggling with understanding my gender identity. (Assigned mail at birth for those wondering. 2 things were holding me back from truly contemplating this question of gender identity. One being my desire and enjoyment of typical male activities and interests as a young kid. The next one, what is that? Ever since I was as young as fourteen, I was watching adult content about male-to-female transitioning starring transgender women. And because adult entertainment was a struggle for me, I was afraid that any desire I had to be a woman was tied to that. Then I started opening myself up to the possibility that genders are more than the boxes we create for ourselves. That fear of being just a creep who got off being a woman went away after I read a psychology article about how some trans women in their early "egg" phase, I guess, explore their gender through adult material. And the entire time I was, I just felt like the universe was slapping me in the face, saying, " Hello, this is you". So I began opening myself up to the possibility of being a woman. I spoke to my best friend's transgender wife about how I was feeling. The entire time, she was just smiling, like I could tell she wanted to tell me I was trans, appropriately restrained from doing so. She opened my eyes to the reality that there's no one way to be a trans woman. I started to look back on my younger years, and I started to see some signs that maybe I didn't notice before. Every time now that I think about the possibility of being transgender, I always feel happy, like something's right. I can't stop smiling at the possibility, and I feel something divine telling me this is for me. Though I do fear how family and work/ the world would react. And of course, when I say I want to be Trans, what I mean is whenever I am debating if I'm trans or not, I always feel disappointed with what I think about not being a woman. After writing this, I think I know what my answer is. I just kind of wanted to get this off my chest. Or maybe even seek a little validation for my story LOL. Thanks for listening, everybody, I appreciate it!