Strict Indian parents deadset on ruining my life
Hello, Im 20 F and genuinely my Indian parents have went above and beyond to ensure that mine and my two brothers lifes fall to ruin. I'm pre-med and pre-law and this summer plan on taking the LSAT and MCAT. So my days are filled with studying, internships, and volunteering. Any free time ( such as weekends), im unfortunately stuck at home to study. My parents have super weird rules regarding my studying 1- I have to study downstairs in front of them at all time 2- They want to have access to my phone and laptop at all times. These rules honestly made me laugh as I've never even done anything to make them this paranoid. Plus even if I did, Im pushing 20 like thats far past the age where you should be helicopter parenting your kids online usage. There have been several fights over the past week over this matter because studying downstairs is so distracting ( considering my mom blasts her tv shows at 1000 volume and my dad watches his facebook reels at full blast). I envy my friends who have the privacy to study in there rooms.
The worst part above all this is there verbal abuse for no reason when im downstairs. I would litterally be studying and my mom and dad would go on and on about how I'm such a horrible kid, how other parents have such amazing kids, how I'm eating away all there money through my education. Essentially a bunch of horrible things no one deserves to hear, and worse when i'm studying for two very competitive examinations. My mental state has been so bad at home I've been trying to find more jobs ( even nightshifts) just so I can be at home as least as possible. Suprisingly, I've had more peace studying outside rather than in my own house.
Anyways, fast forward to today. I was already in a horrible mood because of cramps and I decided to do a couple chapters and rest. I was studying when as usual my parents started saying horrible things. As usual, I just ignored them. At this point there poisonous words have honestly been noise pollution to me. I ignored them and continues grinding out some practice problems. Now my dad has this thing where he physically wants me to react to the things they say (through crying, or getting visibly hurt by what there saying). This time since I was simply immersed in my studying, he decided to stir the pot to make me react. He tells me to pass my phone so him and my mom could check it. MIND YOU, he saw me watching my lectures on my phone and taking notes. Just because he wants attention i'm not losing progress on my learning to let him have his way. So i simply say " no, I'll give it to you after I finish note taking". Long story short he takes my phone and locks it in his vault ( where my brothers phone has been almost sitting for a year). I absolutely blow out, and go off on them with all the pent up frustration and anger and hurt thats been bottled up inside me. Essentially telling them theres a reason all three of there kids absolutely dislike them and never confide nothing in them. How they took out the frustration/anger of there broken marriage by making there kids feel like shit about it. I know with toxic parents, blowing up like this is never the move. But i was honestly so done and exhausted. Ever since I came back from campus there behaviour continued to test my patience ie. checking my suitcase to see what clothes I wore at uni ( got slut shamed for wearing tank tops), checking my bag, and checking my devices ( to make sure I haven't gotten a ' bf' within that time). Not allowing me to spend time in my room/have privacy. Constantly comparing me to some random kids.
My mom ended up slapping me really hard 3 times. What hurt the most wasn't even the slap, it was the fact that they are never going to change and my childhood hope of them changing was never going to be true. Alot of my friends have strict parents, but this is just plain toxicity. My dad locked up my room, locked up all my study materials. Yep ( because according to my mom kids who disrespect there parents don't deserve to study). At least I hid my laptop so I have that. So although my textbooks/notebooks are locked away, at least I can try to find online resources.
My boyfriend ( yes I have one, also who I'll never tell my parents about), is also Indian but I don't really confide to him genuinely how insane my parents. Same with friends and family. As much as I dislike my parents I don't want others to perceive me as someone from a broken home.
Now you must be wondering why I don't just move out. I'm saving up for it to be honest. I made a secret bank account in freshman year and have been saving up since. I just thought if I remained cordial with them until university is over, I could save up the money I made during university for post grad and applications, and not have to worry about tuition. With all this however, I might just take out a loan to finance my education. Im honestly so sick and tired of this. Tired of forcing myself to have a relationship with them b/c of cultural expectations.
My brother has it worse, considering my mom sleeps with him. He's 19.... My younger brother is 12. I feel bad for the long 8 years he's going to have. Im honestly studying/working as hard as I can to escape this hell hole and provide a safety net for both my brother.
My mental state as is, is not the greatest. Especially since even education is considered something they can take away from me too.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this?