Maybe I have arfid maybe not I dunno
I'm writing this here cuz idk where else to talk about it and out of all eating disorders I've researched this is the only one that feels like it fits me. I have zero energy to eat. I don't even really get hungry much, if at all. And almost every time I do eat something, I end up feeling sick afterwards. For background information, I am an extremely picky eater and I always have been. The main cause is because textures of food make me feel sick. If something feels even just a *little* off in my mouth, it's like my body immediately rejects it. I start gagging and almost throwing up. And the few foods I do manage to eat are unhealthy, and just make me feel sick and like garbage. I know that I really really need to be eating healthier because my daily diet basically consists of some chips, then whatever I force myself to make for dinner. Usually frozen pizza or ramen.
Obviously having a diet like this for almost my entire life is going to make me feel like garbage, but so does almost every other food. Even if I was able to eat real meals without feeling sick, I never have any energy to make it. I hardly have the energy to make even just a cup of ramen, I can't imagine actually making real meals.
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to fix this. I have the world's worst gag reflex and am extremely sensitive to most food textures. And when I do manage to eat, I guaranteed feel sick afterwards. I don't know. Obviously the solution is I *have* to eat healthier or my body will just continue to deteriorate but how do I force myself to do that when everything I consume makes me feel sick? I dunno man I'm just kinda rambling.