Have you ever talked to someone who has never experienced limerence?
I was in the "talking stage" with a woman in her 30s who had never experienced limerence, or even infatuation, and one of her fears was that she would most likely never experience anything like that.
I know the question sounds weird, but I am curious.
My LO looks like my mom when she was young. She probably has other similarities I might not be fully aware of.
I also noticed that my relationship with LO looks like the one I had with my mom when I was growing up. I scrolled through my journal, and one thing I noticed was that I was terrified of what LO thinks of me. I feel crushed when she pretends not to notice me when I am around. My mom often gave me the silent treatment during my childhood, so I was never completely sure whether or not it was safe to try to talk to her.
I arrived at a point where I am scared of leaving my home because I might unexpectedly bump into LO, and I have no clue whether she will say hello or ignore me. I know I have absolutely no control over what she thinks of me, but for some reason her opinion matters to me a lot.
Honestly, I feel like my decision to give up on dating and relationships could be the reason for my limerence. It happened at a time when the idea of romance was the last thing on my mind.
I dislike how today's society is so romance-centric and dismisses all the dangers it brings. And I think it is still far more dangerous for women than it is for men.
Acting on limerence is basically begging to be taken advantage of at this point.
One moment, I was standing in front of her and felt something unusual. I could not look at her face. I asked myself what was going on and why I could not look at her face.
I think I felt noradrenaline/adrenaline, but did not realize it at that moment. I left the facility without thinking.
Then, after a week or two, I unexpectedly saw her in the street walking in my direction. I cannot describe the amount of fear I felt at that moment. Like a lightning bolt suddenly hit me.
After I came back home, I started putting pieces together.
Now, almost a year later, my heart rate probably still jumps to 100 whenever I see her unexpectedly.
A few months ago, I was walking on a narrow part of the sidewalk. There was no room for two people to walk side by side.
At one point, I heard a large truck behind me moving toward me. When I hear a truck, I always stop and evaluate the situation. I made a 90-degree turn, faced my back against the wall, and turned my head.
At that moment, I saw LO behind me, talking on the phone and walking towards me. The amount of joy I felt at that moment cannot be described in words. However, two thoughts came to my mind:
I want to protect her
I could never hurt her
I do not have schizophrenia, but I might have OCD/ADHD/autism. I was never officially diagnosed. Sometimes thoughts like that come to mind.
Anyway, she completely ignored me and walked past me. She walked over the portion of the sidewalk I was walking on just a few seconds ago. I stood there for some time and watched her disappear into the distance.
I am still unsure why those two thoughts came to my mind at that moment.