u/Fischkek

I truly did not expect that people like that exist. I knew people think that way, but i did not think there are people that really say these words

A couple of days ago i already posted here https://www.reddit.com/r/Petloss/comments/1ta6oio/cant_handle_the_sadness_of_a_life_without_her/

Yesterday after months of absence on his side we had a 1:1 where he asked me if i even like my work because i am always demotivated and always take vacation days here and there. He asked me to be truthful, so i told him: my cat is dead, and i took vacation days to care for her. And i am not demotivated, i am really sad.

He answered that he understands... But he cannot accept my work ethic (note on the side: all my work was done as always, i just did not smile in meetings), because it is just a cat.

He then told me about how well he is working besides being a single father. And he compared me missing my dead cat with him misssing his (very alive) dog, who lives now 2 hours away.

I know that this is all coming from a messed up human being, but still it hurt. It hurt so much.

And i needed to vent. At a place where noone has expections in how you have to do grief.

Big hugs to everyone who has lost their loved ones and big hugs to everyone here who has to deal with monsters. 🫂

It's been a little over 3 weeks, we had to put our 13 year old cat "Mausi" to sleep. She had probably bowel cancer. Her body did not take up any nutrition anymore, so even though she was eating and drinking she was starving and getting more dehydrated. But still she was still so full of life and i still feel like i robbed her of some extra time.

When it began it was "just" diarrhea. A bad vet was really slow with doing the tests quickly, she was convinced she was just sick because we fed her "felix" for a couple of days some time before it started. But she was getting thinner and thinner and her diarrhea was getting worse. Then we finally switched the vet made the first ultrasonic, the vet kept her in for a couple of days for infusions. When we wanted to take her home th vet said she is sorry but "Mausi" won't make it and the best thing is to euthanize her now. I grabbed my little one and shouted "no, i promised i take her home" the vet left us for some time to discuss. I vehemently said "no" and cuddled her. When the vet came back she was surprised how alive she was, checked her temperature (from hypothermic to normal temperature in half an hour). We were allowed to take her hime. With a plan, with medicaments and special food. She got better, the vet was celebrating with us. And then ahe stopped getting better.

5 extra weeks we got. 5 weeks i was not able to see her pain , i saw her strength. Now i look back ar the pictures and can't believe how pitiful she already looked.

She was my soulmate, she was always searching body contact, always in my arms on my shoulders, sleeping next to me in bed. Now there is just emptiness.

The moment of the euthanization is burned in may brain it kills me. It was so fast and still so long. I hold her chin because she loves that, and after it was over and i had to let go if her little head was the most painful thing ever. It felt like the ultimate betrayal.

Instead of hurting less, it just gets worse and worse. In the beginning it was just not real, bit the mire time passes the more it becomes clear that she never will be back. I feel like a part of my soul has died with her.

We have a second cat, who is keeping us somewhat sane right now.