Exhausted
So a little backstory to me. I'm a 28 year old single mother of 2 boys (9 and 7). Their father gets to see them every other weekend and its been good truly. I was in a relationship for almost 7 years, it ended recently due to me being done with being treated like garbage etc. I work and I'm back in school for phlebotomy to try to better my situation and provide for my kids.
But I feel like its 1 step forward 18 steps back ya know?
Like, my car for example. Ive had this car for 3 years and I told my dad last year something was wrong with it and he said it was the starter and that he would handle it. He did some work and I come to find out it wasn't my starter he fixed. Just some hose. He let it go for a year and my car broke down. And from the starter it was my alternator and now the battery lights keep coming on and I refuse to let my dad touch it and I cant afford a new car or half the work and im just so tired man. Im taking it to the shop sunday and praying that it will survive till then. I cant afford any crazy repairs and I'm just at a loss because my dad had me sink so much of my savings into fixing a car that broke down because of his inability to do things right. He's always taken care of repairs and we've never really had an issue but this is the second time now he's waited till my car literally died to do anything about it and didnt tell me anything other than 'i handled it' when he didn't. And it sucks not being able to trust my dad, we dont have a great relationship but when it comes to my car I was always able to rely on him and now I cant.
I want to do more for my kids, but I just cant catch a break emotionally or monetarily and everything just keeps breaking and I have very little help and I'm exhausted. I take care of everything for my kids and after my oldest had his appendix surgery I got stuck paying the 3k that was left after insurance cause their father couldnt help with it and it screwed me financially. Now i'm just trying to make it all up but my car breaking was the last financial straw. And I cant talk to anyone in my life about it because I dont have a lot of people and the ones I do just...dont get it. I just want to do better for my kids and yeah they're happy and cared for in every way, and im so glad but behind the scenes im just in a constant state of anxiety and stress trying to juggle everything all at once and I feel so alone. I just need something to go right and I feel like thats never going to happen for me. My whole life i have been in a constant state of fight or flight and I feel like i have never known peace because it was always something. I love my kids and I'm glad to be going back to school. I just hate that because I work full time and go to school, and pick up extra side jobs when they're at their dad's I'm missing out on my whole life and some of theirs just to make up money so they can have everything they need. I just want to be happy too.