I am working for a team as a transaction coordinator. My pay is $3700 before taxes per month flat. I also do all of the marketing and advertising. I also do all pre-listing and listing activities. Am i being taken for a ride. To keep up I am working 10-12 hours a day. Or is this just normal for this business?
I found out about my husband’s porn addiction by accident because he left it up. He claimed it was an occasional thing but my gut told me otherwise. My gut was right. He hid it for 12 years.
Now, 4 years and prob 100 ddays later I have been through it with him. He has consistently lied and gaslit me every time. But again, even if i doubted it, my gut always ended up being right.
He has said some awful things to me. He has told me I’m not as good looking as before kids, that he pretends I’m someone else in bed, that I love him more than he loves me, that he would have probably gotten with his high school friend and dumped me if he had the chance.
Our most recent argument he yet again tried to play it off like he didn’t watch porn on a work trip but eventually admitted it. My gut already knew and i was able to confirm. He told me that porn is primal lust for him that satisfies him in a different way. Then when I asked if he felt differently because he felt emotionally connected to me he told me no i don’t feel any emotional connection during sex with you. No guy does. He then told me an example is Bonnie Blue. He watches her and feels satisfied in a carnal way. I want to throw up.
Something clicked off in me that day. I’m shocked it took this much, but that was it. I can’t stand the sight of him anymore. I don’t want to have sex. My libido is shot. I feel like a zombie. He tries to be nice to me but if I’m not happy go lucky he turns quickly and becomes angry and mean. How can I act like everything is fine? He has done no repair work. He claims to want to be with me. Why?
And I guess the question is…I haven’t seen anything but my gut is screaming at me that he is still using porn. The likelihood is so low that he’s not, right? Why am i questioning myself when i have been right every single time? Why do I even still care? Why am I like this? Any advice is welcome. I know it’ll be leave. I am working on that now but while I’m here wtf???? Who is this person??