My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. I feel like we kind of have this up and down thing going on. Things will be really really great - he's complimenting me, and treating me so sweetly, telling me he loves me every day, etc. Then, something in his life will begin to stress him out whether he isn't selling enough cars at work or his fitness plan isn't working out of him, and he suddenly becomes pretty distant.
He's not completely distant and cold, but there is a clear shift in attitude and affection towards me. When we hang out he's more about joking around, and his jokes can be kind of mean sometimes. He means no harm when he says them, but usually I'm able to handle it when there's a balance of between mean jokes and words of affection. He is still somewhat physically affectionate (cuddles and some kisses, although no sex). But I just end up feeling really disconnected from him. I tried to talk to him about this the other day, and he just said that he felt really bad because it isn't fair to me, and then started crying. And then the next half of the day was kind of weird between us.
Sometimes I'm able to set my feelings aside because I tell myself that eventually I'll get that sweetness back and I just need to support him while he works through whatever it is. But sometimes I just get so sad because I hate having this push and pull thing, and I want to feel secure all the time even when he is going through something. Sometimes I worry that it will never go back if I don't specifically say something. But this is where it falls back onto me.
Obviously, relationships ebb and flow and he's not going to be able to be the perfect boyfriend 100% of the time. I should be able to focus on and appreciate the things he does do for me even while he needs support like cuddle and joke around, and pay for dinner and such. Part of me is worried that if I don't say anything then I will never get that kind of affection back, but that if I do say something I am just going to be an extra source of stress. I should most likely take this time to be 96% focused on me and 4% focused on him. But, it's been really hard for me to ignore, especially because it feels extra cold when we are apart since we can only text.
(And I really want to hammer down on the fact that while there is a change in his behavior, he is still sweet and affectionate in other, less obvious ways).
What are some ways that I can continue to support him while advocating for myself, and how can I focus more on myself and stop thinking about him so much when we are apart?
TL:DR - My boyfriend is going thru something and it's making him less obviously affectionate towards me. I don't blame him, but it's difficult for me to deal with. How can I support him, while still advocating for my needs? And how can I cope and focus more on myself so I don't worry about him so much?