Can someone please help me have faith in “you’ll find your person” again?
I’ve gotten so jaded about dating and I really hate what it’s doing to me mentally. I’m a very confident woman (25F) and as I like to say, I’m unfortunately straight.
I’ve been single for pretty much 4 years straight. In that time I’ve done all the things you’re supposed to do to find (or attract) a partner. I did the “work on yourself” and “go to therapy” and “go to the gym” stuff. I have a career I’m happy in and I even recently got a promotion. I have hobbies, I put myself out there, I frequently make the first move on men. I know I’m attractive and funny and smart and kind and all the things people look for in a partnership. I’ve been all over the apps, I might as well have a residency on hinge and I have my intentions clearly stated on there. I’ve tried getting setup with mutual friends and I’ve tried meeting people “in the wild”. I genuinely don’t know what else I can do to put myself in a position to meet my “person”.
I recently had a ~1-2 month relationship that I got really excited about but he ended it with me because our personalities don’t really match up, and he’s probably right. I’m very outgoing and energetic and he’s more chill. The whole thing just really stings because on paper, he seemed so perfect. We had a lot of chemistry in so many ways, but our day to day lives just aren’t a match. He felt like such a diamond in the rough and now I have this anxiety that I won’t be able to find anyone who even remotely stands up to my standards. If it took me 4 years to find him, how long will it take to find someone else?
I know I’m rambling but I feel like I keep running into this wall with dating where I feel like I am absolutely worthy of love but I just haven’t been able to find the person I want to fall in love with. I know I’m still young and I’m probably being too intense about all of this but so many of my friends are in happy, serious relationships, and while I’m so so happy for all of them, it sucks being the only one who has so consistently been single. I know exactly what I want but it feels more and more like it isn’t out there, or if it is then “what I want” doesn’t want me back.
It feels like everything in my life is exactly where it should be except for this one last piece (finding a boyfriend/partner) and it’s frustrating that I feel like I have no control over it. It makes me feel like there’s not a guarantee that it will happen for me, or that I’ll have to settle, and both of those outcomes feel so heartbreaking to me. Please someone just give me some hope, dating feels so bleak right now.
***Editing just to clarify I do not do the hobbies and gym and therapy for men, I do it for myself. I mentioned it because I know the first piece of advice people always have is “work on yourself first then the right person will find you”. I have an extremely fulfilling life and for the most part I’m perfectly content. These are just the thoughts that creep in sometimes.