Why does the discard feel so brutal
He wasn’t my husband but we were dating and there was a significant age gap (25 years). I am ordinarily a very self assured and confident person but I ignored every red flag about this man (of which there were many.. HUGE ones) as I was 23 .. naieve and completely idolised this much older guy. He had a position of power over me and completely exploited it for his advantage. Constantly asking what I liked about him.. wanting me to fluff his ego all the time. If I didn’t he’d get very nasty very quickly it was exhausting.
He fast tracked intimacy and it was very intense (through he was very sexually narcissistic and performative) and would mention his ex sporadically. Once I had enough and called him out for his behaviour he started to go distant as I wasn’t easy supply. But I was trauma bonded at this point.
I’d send REAMS of texts trying to talk things out, apologise when I shouldn’t be apologising. He went from bombarding my phone to compete radio silence and I was starting to question my whole reality. How could someone who was all over me, smothering me with all this intensity act like me and my feelings and my needs just don’t exist.
He knew he was hurting me I’d made it very clear and simply.. nothing. I don’t understand how or why I let his behaviour affect my self esteem so much (thankfully I’m out of it now and have my sense of self back) but it still hurts
I felt like screaming into the void so he would hear me. Begging crying it sounds desperately awful now but I don’t understand how a normal person that do that to someone 25 years younger than them!
Discard is genuinely awful I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Sending much love ❤️