Why am I not enjoying motherhood?!
I have 2 toddlers and I would 100% rather be at work all day than home with them, and I’m a nurse… so it’s not like my work days are easy. Every waking moment is a disaster. No one will eat, bed/nap time is a fight. We just hit and bite and kick and scream. No punishment works. No calming voice soothes. There’s just food and snot and messes all over the place and I’m CONSTANTLY cleaning. We live 2000 miles from home and have no friends or family around. And yes I know this makes our situation harder/unique. But I’d say for every 1 moment of “that was nice”, there’s 100 moments of WTF. It’s getting to the point where I don’t want to be around my kids. And a lot of the time I don’t want to be around my husband either. Every time I take a moment for myself, I feel just guilt that I just can’t push out of my mind. I’m too tired to have a hobby. I mainly prefer to sleep when I have a moment alone, which is rare. I feel like trash just typing these words. But I just had to get it out.