How to stop self-isolating when connection feels like a threat
I don't really know what to write here.
Humans are social mammals and need co-regulation. Social support may not fix things but it makes things more bearable by having that feeling of connectedness and belonging.
But all of my relational data so far in my 29 years of life supports that vulnerability and intimacy with other humans is mentally and emotionally dangerous.
My psych suggested board game/activity meet ups or finding a study group. Said I'd been self-isolating for too long now. In that time I've found that the pain of being alone is safer than the pain of being around people. I guess it should be the pain of being around the wrong people, but my brain doesn't make that differentiation.
I'm exhausted from just trying to live and work and study. How do I find the motivation and the courage and the want to meet and befriend and maintain connection with people when all of that feels like an actual survival threat?