u/Fit_Decision_8554

While trying to dig into what career path I should pursue, I noticed a pattern in my chart. This was a while ago but I just think I need an outside perspective on my chart.

Messenger asteroid conjunct ASC, Hermes conjunct MC, Pallas conjunct mercury. I don’t think a career with a lot of speaking would be for me as it’s something I struggle with, unless it involved a topic I am knowledgeable in. I just don’t understand this pattern.

Currently exploring a career in massage therapy but I know it would temporary, as I just need to start somewhere.

So my questions are:

Are you able to make out anything from the pattern I noticed? Or just have any input in general.
Do any specific careers/industries jump out to you in my chart?

Not diagnosed. But I relate to a lot of stories spoken here, and on other platforms such as selfinexile.

I finally built up the courage to speak about what struggles I have internally with my therapist. For years, sessions revolved around work, relationships, hobbies, and occasionally specific major events I feel traumatized me. Most of the time I choose very carefully what I share.

Spoke about my childhood neglect, invasive parenting from my mother, rejection starting from a young age continuing to present day. I feel it painted a very good picture on how someone with such circumstances and events could lead to this point. Some schizoid traits have been relevant struggles for most of my adolescence, but I feel it worsening after a series of events over the last 1-2 years.

Sharing this was extremely invalidating. She basically told me theres no way I have a personality disorder, then admitted she didn’t know the diagnosing criteria or traits for SzPD. She also claimed it just was PTSD. She told me to stop looking for what’s wrong with me.

I’ve been searching for different labels/diagnoses for years trying to understand what I’m experiencing. I’ve known I’m different, but I wouldn’t say that it means something’s ’wrong’ with me. This label fits the best so far, especially since it’s gotten worse as I’ve gone into adulthood. Stumbling across Schizoid PD has given me a vocabulary to express what I’m struggling with. I used to only use metaphors because I didn’t know there were actual terms/words to describe my internal struggles. No one ever really understood these metaphors.

Most of the time, when I take the chance to be vulnerable I immediately regret it. Further worsening my suspected schizoid adaptations. It used to bother me a lot as a teen. Now I’m used to it and expect it. I don’t fear rejection much anymore, it just emphasizes the empty feeling and slight annoyance. It validates my already schizoid thoughts, fueling the fire. I am almost to the point of not sharing anything with anyone again. I’m curious if anyone feels similarly.

Edit: rewording

Asteroid Pattern and Career Help