I am so fucked in the head, working in healthcare and pass as fem 80-90% of the time but I still don't see it when I look in a mirror
Literally everyone from baby transes to drunks to old people to coworkers to everyone I meet use she/her automatically but I am still convinced I am just "male failing" and get distressed when people use she/her even when I want them to use it because I don't think I am putting in that effort at the moment. Ugh. Post ffs and post orchi, like 6 years on and off hrt. But I still can't see myself as a girl in my own mirror like 40% of the time and I still only see feminine guy or really feminine guy. It's not the body atp, multiple people including cis men have told me I am attractive, it is my damn brain. I don't know how to be happy despite a career that affords me the healthcare and income to pursue surgeries and hrt. Surgeries and hrt are not enough.