r/StraightTransGirls

Liking trans men is 100% as straight as liking cis men as a woman and yet I see cis men specified CONSTANTLY as desired theoretical partners.

There's special irony in that so many here talk about needing a completely straight cis man who likes you despite you being trans, yet you're specifying that he must be cis! You (rightfully) demand that your transness satisfy his straightness, yet you pretty much imply (by specifying cis) that a trans man would not satisfy your straightness? That being with a straight trans man would be less of a straight relationship for a straight trans woman. Wanting a straight guy to accept that you don't have a pussy while at the same time finding it intolerable for him to not have a dick is just silly, and yet I see this attitude here constantly.

I'm not asking everyone to say "oh it can be a trans man too" whenever you talk about wanting a man, just STOP specifying "cis man" when it's not even for some specific stated reason (and for god's sake open your mind to the possibility of a trans man being enough of a man for you).

PS I am not talking about a specific person or post here, I see this shit here every day and have for as long as I've been here, it's absolutely pervasive. The recent drama over flairs/bisexuals only amplified it when so many on all sides of that argument used attraction to cis men as the ultimate example of being straight or male-attracted, but this shit has always been here.

Lol so I'm scheduling a first date with a straight-identifying guy and he suggested going to dinner at restaurant in a well known gay neighborhood... I disclosed to him already but I always pass. Still I worry he chose that area because it's less likely to judge/be weird for him? Am I overthinking this? Maybe he just likes the restaurant?

He seems perfect but his primary goal seems to be sex but should I go alone with it and hope he does want to date long-term?

So far, it seems like men at 40 and above see ME purely for sex and easy to manipulate.

I don't see them as a gold digging opportunity, quite the opposite.

I had the idea older men would be emotionally stable and calm and zero drama, but they employ subtle manipulation tactics. I've been using dating apps in the US (West coast) and this has been my personal experience.

They know it'd be socially awkward or a faux pas to actually date a woman my age, and plus I'm trans. So even though I pass and everything and am a woman in every sense, they only talk to me if they want a hookup or someone they can control, but never a real relationship and they never have the intention of marriage.

But then men younger than 40, I have preconceived notions about too. Because they are still trying to get it all out of their system if they haven't settled down yet. And then men my age have way less maturity and life experience than me. I guess I need to stop dating

TW: sexual assault / stealthing / rape

I genuinely cannot believe I am writing this update.

For anyone who saw my previous posts: I reported a man I was seeing after he penetrated me without a condom after I had explicitly asked him beforehand if he had one on and he told me yes.

I found out afterward that he had lied.

I went to the hospital, had a SANE/rape kit done, made a police report, sat with investigators for hours going through everything, and turned over a large amount of evidence from before, during, and immediately after what happened.

On monday the investigation took a pretty major step forward.

Police arranged a controlled phone call between me and him.

At first, he was EXTREMELY suspicious.

I initially tried calling him normally, but he had blocked/deleted me on basically everything. The detective had a separate phone available, so I eventually contacted him through that.

The first conversation went badly. He immediately became defensive and angry.

Afterward, we continued communicating by text for quite a while.

He repeatedly acted like he thought I was trying to incriminate him. He was very careful about what he said and essentially indicated that he did not want to answer certain questions because he was worried about potentially incriminating himself if I reported him.

He also tried bringing up old sexual/CNC language between us and basically attempted the whole “but you said rape me before” argument.

There is one gigantic problem with that defense:

I literally have previous messages from HIM using the exact same “rape” terminology toward me before this incident.

So no, that word did not magically originate from me after the assault.

Eventually, after around an hour and a half of texting and talking, I was able to convince him that I was genuinely trying to understand what happened and potentially work things out rather than trying to get him arrested.

My best friend had previously spoken with him and had sent me a message essentially saying that maybe we could work things out. I showed him that.

That seemed to lower his guard.

He eventually called me again.

And that is where everything changed.

During that conversation, while the investigator was there listening/recording, he acknowledged what happened.

He apologized repeatedly.

He talked about wanting forgiveness for his “transgressions.”

And, most importantly, he essentially acknowledged deliberately not using the condom and explained that part of his reasoning was that he wanted to “lock me in” relationship-wise.

That statement genuinely made my stomach drop.

Because one of the biggest questions I have been thinking about since this happened was whether he would eventually claim:

- the condom accidentally came off,

- he thought I knew,

- I consented to not using one,

- he misunderstood me,

- or I somehow fabricated everything after the fact.

Instead, I now potentially have him, on a police-controlled recording, acknowledging that the condom non-use was intentional and giving a reason for doing it.

He also apologized and wanted me to unblock him afterward and continue talking to him.

I am absolutely not doing that.

The investigator heard everything.

She told me that the case is continuing forward and that investigators intend to approach him in person and seek a DNA sample. My own forensic evidence is still being processed, which can obviously take time.

I am not going to pretend this means somebody is automatically getting arrested tomorrow or convicted. Prosecutors still have to review everything, decide what Florida law supports charging, and the legal process is the legal process.

But emotionally?

I feel like a massive weight came off my chest today.

Sexual assault cases so often come down to one person saying something happened and the other person simply denying it.

I was terrified that eventually this would become:

“She says I lied about the condom.”

versus

“No I didn't.”

Instead, investigators now have my contemporaneous messages from immediately afterward, medical/forensic evidence, previous evidence showing that condoms were an explicit boundary between us, recordings and communications surrounding what happened, and now apparently his own words about deliberately not using one.

That feels fucking surreal.

I spent the first couple days afterward feeling confused, violated, sad, and wondering whether anyone would actually believe me.

Hearing the person who did it finally acknowledge it, after initially trying so hard not to incriminate himself, was probably the first moment since this happened where I felt like I could actually exhale.

I know this isn't over.

DNA still has to process. Investigators still have work to do. Prosecutors eventually have to review the case. Nothing about the criminal justice system happens overnight.

But that was a very, very significant step.

And for the first time since this happened, I actually feel some relief.

Please do not try to identify him, contact him, contact his family, or play internet detective. This is an active police investigation and I want law enforcement to handle it.

Just feel like, since this is now evidently a space for straight trans girls, and all of the others are guests with an asterisk, I will kinda miss not having to make the distinction between experiences of bi and straight dolls.

Just thinking about creating a sub à la GirlDinnerDiaries for all of the girls and to let the spirit in which this sub was created live on! So these two subs can coexist!

Deadass though, I'm incompetent in mod work and I'd need some help. :)

I’m in my mid 20s and have been seeing a guy around my age for a few months. We’re T4T, I’m a trans woman and he’s transmasc. We originally started dating romantically and got close pretty quickly. We were basically functioning like a couple, but eventually he told me he wasn’t ready for an official relationship because of things going on in his life and emotional stuff he needed to work through. We agreed to take the pressure off and be friends for now.

The thing is, our relationship still doesn’t really feel platonic.

We have sleepovers, cuddle, have sex, watch anime together, play games for hours, go out, and talk pretty regularly. Recently he was going through something and called me because he wanted me there. He opened up to me about some really personal stuff and was very vulnerable with me. I ended up spending a couple days with him, hung out with his family, and afterward he told me how much fun he had with me.

There’s a lot I love about him. He’s incredibly kind and thoughtful, makes me laugh, and I can completely be myself around him. Our chemistry is amazing too, both sexually and romantically. But even outside of that, I genuinely love just being around him. We can spend an entire day doing basically nothing and I’m happy.

My issue is that I have a hard time just accepting the good.

I’m an anxious person and uncertainty gets to me. We can have an amazing few days together, then if he’s quieter the next day or wants alone time, my brain starts wondering if something changed. I worry about being “too much,” texting too much, asking to hang out too often, caring more than he does, or somehow pushing him away.

I still have romantic feelings for him and honestly don’t have much interest in dating other people because he’s the person I want. At the same time, I know I can’t force his timeline and I don’t want to turn every affectionate moment into proof that we’re going to end up together.

So I guess my questions are:

How do I relax and enjoy what we have without constantly looking for reassurance or worrying about what happens next?

When would it be reasonable to reevaluate our relationship? I don’t want to constantly ask “what are we?” but I also don’t want to stay in limbo forever.

When should I bring up officially being boyfriend/girlfriend again? Since he was the one who originally wasn’t ready, should I wait for him to bring it up, or is it okay for me to revisit it eventually if things keep going this way?

I think my biggest fear is pushing too hard and ruining something that could naturally develop, but I also don’t want to be so scared of pressuring him that I ignore what I want.

I really care about him. I don’t want a label just to calm my anxiety. I want us to be together because we both genuinely want it. I’m just trying to figure out how to enjoy what I have right now while also knowing when it’s fair to ask where this is going.

"bi trans girl" accurately describes me and I think allows me to feel like I belong here. I am bisexual but heteroromantic so I only romantically connect with men and this is the only active subreddit that gets my yerning in that regard. I love men and love dating men. I think it's totally appropriate to moderate posts where folks in this sub are talking about sapphic relationships.

I still feel like the mods should address the original post and acknowledge the obvious "othering" of bi trans girls, which evidently make up a big portion of this subreddit's population and have no other home to talk about relationships with men.

and no bi subs don't get it. bi culture prefers sapphic relationships for whatever reason, and in all I just want a monogamous husband anyway and that's very different to their conceptions of queerness.

and per the many links to the original sub founders words. this sub has been intended to be a space for all trans women to talk about dating men.

edit: imo mods should

• settle on a consistent rule for everyone, instead of giving privileges for their inner circle (maybe require flair for all?)
• don't make it a bannable offence, because otherwise folks can dig into OP Reddit history and out them as bi and get them banned, which I hope we can agree is awful
• apologize for othering a large part of the subs constituency and calling us "tourists"
• reaffirm the original intent of the sub is to be a place for male-attracted trans women. and that StraightTransWomen is a obvious easy title for the sub. see all the links to original sub founder for that

Hello girls!!
Im a 29 years old trans girl im dating an arabic guy for a month and everything is amazing and perfect im just scared because i know where he comes from they don’t see good trans girls he treats me very nicely and take me to dates but sometimes im scared 😭😭😭 because i feel like im falling in love with him we even had sex already and it was amazing
Has anyone had any experience with Arabic guys?

To preface this, I think it's fine for bi trans girls to hang out here. There isn't much of a space online for trans women who date men to talk, and they are trans women who date men, so it makes sense that they'd need this.

However, them saying that feeling excluded here is biphobia is really funny to me. Normally it's biphobic to call bi women "just straight." Distinguishing bi women from straight women is the opposite of biphobia, lmao.

After yesterday, and after reflecting a little more on some of the things being said including what I said, I’ve been giving it all some thought. I wanted to share another post in the hope of opening up a more thoughtful and nuanced conversation around it.

I think the current discussion on fairs is collapsing several very different questions into one. I want to try to articulate something that I think is getting lost in the current debate.

I have always believed that being a trans woman who is attracted to men can influence your life in ways that are meaningfully different from being a trans woman who is not attracted to men. I do not mean that one experience is more valid, more oppressed, more authentic or somehow better than another. I mean different social positions can produce different experiences and sometimes people want a space where those experiences can be discussed without having to explain the basic premise first.

And for that particular point, I have learned, it do not think the decisive distinction is necessarily between exclusively straight and bisexual women.

A bisexual trans woman who dates men may share a great deal with a straight trans woman..the stigma attached to being a trans woman who desires men, the particular forms of fetishization involved, anxieties around disclosure, dating and physical safety, the question of how men perceive us. And all the contradictions surrounding heterosexuality when society often does not recognize our relationships as heterosexual in the first place.

There is also a historical irony here that I find difficult to ignore. For a long time, trans women were stereotyped precisely as hyper-homosexual men, essentially, so gay that they became women in order to be with men. That framework was grotesque and false. But in some contemporary queer spaces, particularly in the West, I sometimes feel as though the pendulum has swung into another strange position, where attraction to men itself can become morally suspect.. as though being male-attracted makes a trans woman an embodiment of patriarchy, cisheteronormativity, assimilation or political backwardness. I think that is a serious mistake.

A straight trans woman is not simply situated inside heterosexual normativity in the same way a cis straight woman is. "Straight" is a word we use to describe our own orientation in relation to our gender. It does not mean that the wider society consistently grants us the social status, legitimacy, or safety associated with normative heterosexuality. Quite often, the exact opposite happens... our attraction to men is interpreted through a homosexualizing or transphobic framework.

That is why I am uncomfortable when disagreements between straight and bisexual trans women are immediately described through a simple heterosexual-versus-bisexual power hierarchy. Discrimination against bisexual people is real. But I think we actually weaken those concepts when we apply them mechanically to situations where the supposed "straight" group does not possess the social power normally implied by heterosexual normativity.

At the same time, I also think experience is much more complicated than labels.

Two people can use different orientation labels and nevertheless have almost identical histories. A straight trans woman who only understood her attraction to men at 30, after decades of relationships with women, may have a very different developmental history from a bisexual trans woman who was •visibly• male-attracted from early childhood and was bullied for it long before she even understood what sexuality was.

If I grew up being called homophobic slurs as a small child because other people already perceived something feminine or male-attracted in me, that experience does not suddenly become irrelevant because another woman ultimately identifies as bisexual rather than straight.

Likewise, a bisexual woman who has dated men, feared men, loved men, been rejected by men, been fetishized by men and negotiated disclosure with men may understand parts of my life immediately that another straight trans woman simply does not.

Speaking only for myself, this is also why shared experience can sometimes matter more to me than the exact label someone ultimately uses. Yes, you are right, I may have more in common with a bisexual trans woman who, like me, was perceived as a gay or feminine child long before transition, was treated accordingly and grew up navigating the shame, scrutiny and hostility attached to being seen as f*g, than I do with a straight trans woman who only discovered her attraction to men much later in life.

That does not make her orientation any less real and it certainly does not make either of us more or less valid. It simply means that we may have very different developmental histories. Someone encountering male attraction for the first time at 30, 40, 50....or 60 may be working through experiences that are new to her, while for someone else those dynamics may have influenced her social world since childhood. Those differences can affect how we relate to dating, men, sexuality, vulnerability and even one another.

So for me, there is no contradiction here. I can feel a deeper sense of recognition with a bisexual woman whose history closely resembles mine while still understanding why some straight trans women may want a space specifically centered on straight experience.

That is why, personally, I would have absolutely no problem sharing a space centered on male attraction with bisexual trans women. If the subject is our experiences with attraction to men, dating, desire, stigma, fear, intimacy, rejection, safety, relationships, joy, whatever.. then the relevant commonality may very well be male attraction, not absolute exclusivity.

But I also understand why people create narrower spaces.

There is value in being able to say something and know that everyone in the room understands the context without a paragraph of disclaimers. That is not automatically an assertion that outsiders are inferior. It is one reason bisexual people should also be able to have spaces centered specifically on bisexual experience. Gay women should be able to have lesbian spaces. Straight trans women should be able to discuss experiences specific to straight trans women.

These things do not have to be mutually hostile.

What concerns me is when the existence of any narrower space is immediately interpreted as an act of domination rather than asking what experience the space is actually trying to make discussable.

And I really do not want this to become oppression Olympics. It well get really, really messy.

For what it is worth, I am not a moderator. I did not create the rule and I am not speaking for the mod team. I am only explaining why I think there is a legitimate underlying issue here even if people disagree about whether this particular flair rule is the right way to address it.

And I may be wrong. People are free to disagree with me.

But I would really like us to be able to discuss the actual differences and overlaps in our experiences without turning "straight" into a moral category.

Sometimes people want a room where they are understood without explaining themselves. I think all of us should be able to recognize that desire.

I’m just a little baffled by the negative comments after the new flair suggestion. I think it’s a great idea for the sub. I feel like it’s so isolating being a straight trans woman. I feel alienated by cis people constantly and I feel alienated by queer people and other trans women I’ve met who have been passive aggressive or just stopped talking to me after finding out I’m only attracted to men. I don’t think it’s outrageous to ask that people in the space are trans women who discuss dating men, and all of my sisters I know who are trans and straight irl are isolated and lonely. There are subs like r/bisexualtransgirls to discuss dating women or r/traaaaaaaaaaaansbians!

I’m a 24yr old trans woman. And have been alone for the past year after being in a abusive relationship for two years. The idea of never finding a healthy relationship crosses my mind often now that I started dating again. With men constantly selling me a dream of a future with dates and gifts but once we engage in sexual acts suddenly all of that disappears and the conversations aren’t as good and all they want from me is sex. This happening quiet a few times and has made me disgusted by the idea of even engaging in sex but even when I don’t reach speed bumps in the talking phase were guys don’t know if they are ready to be committed. This among the other things a normal 24 yr old is going through is weighing heavy on my mental health and caused me to have zero hope in a romantic relationship in the future. I want to learn to never yearn for a romantic relationship in general but it’s hard as a woman who likes men to overall just cut that out of there life. If anyone else has experienced this and now is able to love being alone let me know please.

Right now I mostly use ao3 to find m/f romances where the female lead is a trans woman. Are there any other sites with this type of fiction available for free?

Due to the large volume of posts from users who are not straight, trans, and female, we have had to implement this rule

You are required to add flair if you meet any of the following criteria:

1. You are currently in a relationship with a woman/person identifying as something other than male

2. You identify as bisexual or are not exclusively attracted to men

3. You are a man or other gender identity other than female

Users found in violation of this rule are subject to removal or banning

We hope this will cut down on the fighting in the comments about bisexual women and men posting here

Posters who are men, bisexual, etc, are still welcome to post, but please kindly identify yourself and behave respectfully and with humility, as this remains primarily a place for straight women of trans experience to share our stories

We recognize that users may arrive at this identity of being straight trans and female from many different paths, however if this is not how you identify at the present moment, please consider yourself a visitor in this space and behave accordingly

If you notice a user who is not straight trans and female without flair or otherwise in violation of the rules, please feel free to report it. We really hope users will adhere to this rule however so that this will not be necessary

I recently started progesterone. Had to pause my weight loss goal temporarily bc of it, bc the body has to get used to the new hormone for a couple weeks. I woke up this morning without knowing what happened after I fell asleep and I was holding onto my husband's big arm. He wakes me up with kisses every morning... Just the euphoria I felt this morning was amazing. Being held by a strong man in bed feel amazing. And yes I'm feeling this bc the progesterone has relaxed my body and opened me up more emotionally. Estrogen alone actually makes me moody

I'd like preface this by saying that everyone is valid and I believe that there is someone for everyone. However, that does not mean he is the right person for me. Just as I think it's completely valid and not transphobia for a man to not be interested in trans women, I also think it's valid for me (and any of us) to not be interested in a man because of certain things. You can call me insecure if you want. To me, everyone has their dating preferences. We can like someone without feeling romantic attraction or wanting to pursue anything beyond platonic friendship.

Before anyone accuses me of not liking men, I would encourage you to read my previous posts. I am stealth post-op and have met plenty of men who treat me well. Those men are naturally masculine, chivalrous, consistent, persistent, protective, caring, treats me no different than any other woman, brings me flowers and gifts, are active but don't live at the gym, go out of their way to make things convenient for me, who don't live on social media, etc.

In no particular order:

1. Men who say they are straight and switchy or versatile.
2. Men with long hair but no facial hair.
3. Men who have had a lot of experience with anal sex with different partners.
4. Men who specifically seek out trans women or are only/mainly interested in trans women.
5. Men who travel to Thailand regularly and are very familiar with the 'ladyboy' culture.
6. Men who post multiple selfies that are basically the same photo with small variations of facial expressions.
7. Men who post their Insta, snap, telegram, kik etc. handles in their dating profiles.
8. Men who ask you to meet at or near their place even though they live at least an hour away.
9. Men who go back and forth arguing with women about petty things.
10. Men whose profile photos consist of shirtless selfies only, no matter how ripped they are.