How do I stop overthinking a good connection, and when should I revisit becoming official?
I’m in my mid 20s and have been seeing a guy around my age for a few months. We’re T4T, I’m a trans woman and he’s transmasc. We originally started dating romantically and got close pretty quickly. We were basically functioning like a couple, but eventually he told me he wasn’t ready for an official relationship because of things going on in his life and emotional stuff he needed to work through. We agreed to take the pressure off and be friends for now.
The thing is, our relationship still doesn’t really feel platonic.
We have sleepovers, cuddle, have sex, watch anime together, play games for hours, go out, and talk pretty regularly. Recently he was going through something and called me because he wanted me there. He opened up to me about some really personal stuff and was very vulnerable with me. I ended up spending a couple days with him, hung out with his family, and afterward he told me how much fun he had with me.
There’s a lot I love about him. He’s incredibly kind and thoughtful, makes me laugh, and I can completely be myself around him. Our chemistry is amazing too, both sexually and romantically. But even outside of that, I genuinely love just being around him. We can spend an entire day doing basically nothing and I’m happy.
My issue is that I have a hard time just accepting the good.
I’m an anxious person and uncertainty gets to me. We can have an amazing few days together, then if he’s quieter the next day or wants alone time, my brain starts wondering if something changed. I worry about being “too much,” texting too much, asking to hang out too often, caring more than he does, or somehow pushing him away.
I still have romantic feelings for him and honestly don’t have much interest in dating other people because he’s the person I want. At the same time, I know I can’t force his timeline and I don’t want to turn every affectionate moment into proof that we’re going to end up together.
So I guess my questions are:
How do I relax and enjoy what we have without constantly looking for reassurance or worrying about what happens next?
When would it be reasonable to reevaluate our relationship? I don’t want to constantly ask “what are we?” but I also don’t want to stay in limbo forever.
When should I bring up officially being boyfriend/girlfriend again? Since he was the one who originally wasn’t ready, should I wait for him to bring it up, or is it okay for me to revisit it eventually if things keep going this way?
I think my biggest fear is pushing too hard and ruining something that could naturally develop, but I also don’t want to be so scared of pressuring him that I ignore what I want.
I really care about him. I don’t want a label just to calm my anxiety. I want us to be together because we both genuinely want it. I’m just trying to figure out how to enjoy what I have right now while also knowing when it’s fair to ask where this is going.