Feeling too much about therapist
I’m feeling what I imagine are delusional feelings for my therapist. I’ve struggled here because I’ve been in therapy (on and off) for well over 15 years with different practitioners and never felt attraction or transference, so assumed I was immune. Had wonderful, fulfilling therapeutic relationships and had some general curiosities about them as people but no attraction.
I started with a new practitioner a few months back and immediately sensed physical attraction could be an issue. I’m attracted to very few people so it was striking to me to feel that way. They’re a beautiful person, decently close to my age, and we have the same sexual identity (both queer and single). This has created a narrative in my head about who they are to some extent, as an "option" for me, and because of that, I've been filtering myself in sessions and have not been focused on the right things.
What I’m struggling to decide is if I address this or just move on? I can see how this could be integrated into conversations we’ve had around attachment, but ultimately, I don’t think I want to spend my sessions unpacking something that exists in the vacuum of that relationship (I know it wouldn’t be addressed that way, I know we’d look at the larger implications) when there are so many other moving parts of life that I want to address in that space.
I’m leaning heavily toward cancelling my upcoming sessions and letting them know I’m stepping back, but not giving this context as to why.
The delusional part of me tells me that there is some reality in which we could connect outside the therapy space and that if I pull the plug now, early, those chances increase. Logically, I know this won’t happen because I won’t cross a line and neither will they. The signals I’ve interpreted as any mutual attraction are negligible and irrational.
I feel genuine sadness because I’ve enjoyed this person, our sessions have been good, and frankly, I just like seeing them. But I don’t think this is sustainable or appropriate.
Anyone else had a similar circumstance? Any suggestions on how I should approach this? Thanks.