u/Flaky-Incident6587

Me and my ex were together for two years. I was her first love, and her sister (who I’m still close with) always thought we were really good together.

For context, she’s a very introverted homebody — doesn’t drink, smoke, go out much, etc. She also struggles with pretty severe depression, which she has described as “her stupid brain” making things feel wrong or overwhelming. That’s important because it played a big role in how things ended.

When we broke up, she told me she had “fallen out of love” with me. But then that same night, she kissed me, cuddled me, and stayed over. That confused me a lot, but I didn’t question it too much in the moment because emotions were everywhere. She also kept using my nickname she used during our relationship.

After that, we went into 25 days of no contact — I initiated it because she wanted to stay friends, and I knew I couldn’t do that. During that time, I started working on myself pretty intensely. I went to therapy, saw a psychiatrist, started going to the gym consistently, and even took communication classes. I was trying to actually fix the things I knew I was struggling with. She actively liked all my posts and story’s on insta.

After 25 days, I broke no contact because I needed to apologize properly for my part in the relationship. I told her everything I felt I did wrong — communication issues, not taking criticism well, lying to impress her, shutting down emotionally, etc. I didn’t sugarcoat anything.

She cried a lot during that conversation and kept telling me I didn’t do anything wrong. She also kept saying “I love you” repeatedly and even said if she could go back, she would do it all over again. But she also still said she had fallen out of love with me/couldn’t see me romantically for the past month, which doesn’t make sense to me.

I told her not to blame herself and that there must’ve been a reason she felt that way. I also told her I couldn’t be friends. She begged to stay in contact, and I allowed her to keep my number since that’s what she wanted.

We unfollowed each other on Instagram afterward — she didn’t want that, but I thought it was necessary for me to heal. She was very emotional about it, crying and saying she still loved me and wished me goodnight.

Then she texted me 30 minutes later saying she was sorry for “breaking it already,” and mentioned she had some of my things (including birthday gifts). She ended up giving them to her mom to pass along to me.

Her mom and I are still on good terms, and I actually took her out for Mother’s Day because she’s done a lot for me over the years. I bought her gifts, and she gave me my things back. she asked how I’ve been and if I’m seeing anyone. I said I’ve been asked out but I’m still healing and not ready. We hugged, and I left.

Now I’m one day into full no contact again, and I honestly just feel lost.

What I can’t understand is this:

How does someone go from “I love you,” to “I fell out of love,” to crying, saying they still love me but aren’t in love with me, wanting to stay connected, and acting emotionally attached… all in such a short span of time?

I’m trying to accept that maybe it’s over, but I keep getting stuck on why it happened. Was it her depression? Was it emotional burnout? Was it something I did that I can’t fully see yet? Or is it just that feelings can really change that fast even when love is still there in some form?

I’m not looking for closure from her anymore — I just want to understand what actually happened so I can stop replaying it in my head.