My family reacted to my pregnancy exactly how I thought they would and it's making me depressed. Now I may be forced to reveal it to the most anti-baby family member. How should I handle this?
Long time lurker, but now posting part-vent part-need help.
My family has never been supportive of me having a baby. I wouldn't say they're actively against it, but certainly they've been very uninterested and even discouraging. It was one of the reasons that my husband and I (married 5 years, early 30s, stable career) haven't had a baby sooner: I knew our families weren't supportive. People told me that would change when I got pregnant, but it really hasn't changed much. Both reactions have been underwhelming to the point that I'm extremely depressed. I see my friends and coworkers getting a lot more support and excitement, and they're giving me more excitement and support than my family!
My parents had the best reaction - excited but subdued. It was hard to spill the beans because they were too busy too see me (retired but have lots of friends), but I forced them to make time. Since then they've offered to help clean, prepare the nursery, etc. which is great! But nothing too excited. My Dad sounded more excited about the world cup than his first grandkid. They live local so it's easy to get help.
My mom has no interest in hosting a baby shower or even a small brunch because "it's not my job" and "It's not like you have friends to go to it anyways." (which hurt more because it's true - I'm autistic and have a ton of trouble making friends)
My parents are focused on their vacation schedule, so they asked when they could go - which was appreciated. I told them that around my due date (late August) and mid-October won't work well (my husband has to be out of town for a weekend). They booked a European cruise starting that exact weekend without confirming the dates and replied "Oh, well, we thought it was fine because you mentioned October so we put a deposit down already. We aren't cancelling"
My in-laws are both not local. They've always made a point of only visiting when convenient for them (coming when knowingly sick spreading it to my parents despite us begging them not to come, staying over only on nights between work days, stayed at our house and used the bathtub BEFORE we moved in and then complained that the hot water wasn't the right temperature, and double booking themselves so they can't come when we do invite them) and generally live a VERY busy "retired" life. They're so busy we couldn't reach them for 2-3 weeks after telling my parents. When we told them, MIL was excited. FIL didn't even say congrats and barely acknowledged the announcement because he was too busy buying Olympics tickets.
MIL has planned herself a grand birthday party, but no baby shower, brunch, anything for the baby. She's expecting me to travel to the birthday party at 30 weeks pregnant despite it being in a very hot city.
FIL still hasn't expressed excitement. He's apparently offered to help. When he has free time.
My husband is begging them to make sure they're not booked in August so they can meet their first grandkid after he's born. They've made no promises.
MIL said she'd be free in April/May to help pick out furniture. Turns out she wasn't - they had a long European vacation planned and she could only come a weekend when I already had plans made. They also have pre-made plans all fall.
I tried to send MIL baby stuff I thought she'd like to help her get more excited. No response. When my husband asked her two weeks later, she said "It's hilarious" "It's not your vibe" and "Babies should wear baby clothes" (nevermind it was just LoTR themed baby clothes and both she and my husband are fans)
Our aunts and uncles are also too busy to be bothered being told. All in all, their reaction is disappointing and the lack of perceived support and feelings of guilt for wanting more support/celebration has made me very depressed. I'm not happy about or that excited about being pregnant because it feels like the people most important to me aren't happy for me. Hell, our neighbors are more excited than my family! My coworkers are the bright spot: asking me about baby, showing interest, making plans to meet him, and having a baby shower for me.
But our siblings have me dreading it. My BIL, a total out of touch hipster trust fund baby, has repeatedly told my husband that having kids are unethical because kids are "bad for the environment" as if babies poop out salt onto the earth. My sibling has only ever called babies "scary," cuts people out of their life who have babies, and has made multiple comments about how a) our genes shouldn't be passed on because our family has a history of depression/anxiety, b) I made their childhood hell and ruined it with my autism, and c) my autism will make it hard for me to be a good mom. Needless to say, telling them is terrifying me and making me anxious. My husband wants to tell his brother, but understands it will be annoying and is willing to wait longer to do so.
Unfortunately my sibling will be in town this week and wants to see me. I'm showing and can't really hide it unless I wear a loose dress - which is not my style and would be suspicious to them. Should I just refuse to meet them? Should I just wear a circus tent dress and hope they don't notice? Or should I just rip off the bandaid and tell them?